No Way Out
by xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx
Summary: Santana's world is tumbling down and soon it gets too much for her to control her emotions, her feelings, her anger; her everything.
1. Mad World

No Way Out

**Summary: Santana's world is tumbling down and soon it gets too much for her to control her emotions, her feelings, her anger; her everything. **

1-Mad World

There are certain times when you feel like your whole world is just crumbling around you, into tiny little pieces like breadcrumbs. Then you just want to pick up these breadcrumbs and throw them away, forget all about them. I stare at myself in the mirror before slipping on a red jacket that doesn't go with the rest of my outfit and head downstairs to the kitchen. The parents are out again, leaving me to sort my own breakfast before making my own way to school. Mom's stopped me driving since 'the accident' so I have no other choice but to walk. I didn't mean to crash my truck into a brick wall of a neighbour's front yard; I just had things on my mind, important things. Oh, I can't remember them now, they were important though.

I'd been grounded for two weeks after that and my mom hadn't liked me driving anymore. She said that I just needed some time out from the car, treating me like I was a five year old or something.

After shoving a leftover candy bar from Halloween into my mouth, I grabbed my backpack before leaving the house. It wasn't the healthiest of breakfasts but it was something to stop me from passing out during Gym, something I usually did if I hadn't eaten anything beforehand.

The corridors of McKinley were jam packed with students on their way to Homeroom and through the crowd; I could just make out Brittany standing at her locker. She stood out from the rest of them with her tallness, her long blonde hair and her woolly hat that she usually wore in the middle of winter. Slowly, I made my way towards her getting shoved out of the way by Karofsky. I heard his cackled laughter before grabbing hold of the nearest locker. I heard a voice call my name and I suddenly couldn't feel my legs anymore, I was falling into a dark black hole, the voice continuing to call my name. I could only make out three words, my name, panic and attack. A hand ran through my dark hair as I clutched my chest, trying to catch my breath, the soothing voice talking me through it. I knew that voice anywhere, Brittany, the girl I loved.

Another voice soon joined in and I shook my head at the horrible crowd that was beginning to surround me. Brittany's hand squeezed mine and she helped me stand up, like the kind person that she is. She leaned in to give me a comforting hug as I managed to get my breath back. I could still barely talk though and my head was just spinning with all these thoughts, my mind racing. Brittany's hand remained in mine as she placed the other one on my shoulder, talking to me in a soft tone to try and get me to respond.

Nothing,

I glanced down at my bare hands and spread my fingers out, wanting the breadcrumbs to fall through like a slippery mess. Instead I saw red sticky liquid looking a lot like blood causing me to scream and jump back from Brittany. The tall blonde grabbed hold of my shoulders again to try and calm me and once I looked at my hand, I saw...nothing, no breadcrumbs and no blood.

I spun round and noticed a small six year old girl staring back at me. She had a pale face and wore a black cloak with a basket clutched in her tiny hands. Her feet were bare and her right eye was the size of a tennis ball, big and black. I screamed and stumbled backwards into Brittany's arms, a crowd beginning to form around us. Attempting to speak, I pointed my finger at the little girl but she was no longer there. I swear she was, I saw her with my own eyes; the face, the hands, the feet, the eye! Everything!

I fell backwards onto the floor, holding my hands up in defence, beaded sweat running down my face. The whole world began spinning and opening my eyes, I saw that sticky red liquid again, forming a pool of blood around my entire body. I heard voices and a little girl's blood curling scream ringing in my ears. I cried out in pain, holding my hands to my ears and shutting my eyes tight. Someone grabbed tight hold of my arm but I shoved them away, not even bothering to look at who it was. I heard someone smash the glass of the fire alarm and suddenly a loud ringing echoed throughout the school.

The sound of footsteps snapped me out of my trance as the crowd disappeared, leaving only two people at my side. One of them stood above me, leaning against a wall whilst the other knelt at my side, a hand resting on my back. I looked up and saw the wall tumble down, the girl disappearing into thin air. I let out a high pitched wail as the other gave my back a comforting rub.

Thundering feet came hurrying towards me and a voice began quizzing the two girls on what had happened whilst a pair of arms tried to pick me up from the floor. I couldn't hear anything, just an odd mumble every now and then. A scream escaped me as I clenched my left hand into a fist, aiming it at the nearest wall but as I hit it, someone pulled me back. Tears formed in my eyes and streamed down both of my cheeks as I fell back against a locker, feeling myself go dizzy from the pain and fall into a black hole.

I saw her again.

The little girl lay on the ceiling, looking down at me from above, her right eye standing out from the rest of her. I felt pain take over my body as I hunched in a ball, a hand resting on my shoulder. A man's voice sounded in my ear and I felt myself obeying his command, walking with him towards a small, dark room. Desks stood in six rows of four with a large desk at the front, an empty mug of coffee balanced on it. I knew the room well; it was the room where no one went, the room where the naughty ones got locked up, the room where the crazy people went and the room that I didn't belong in.

I tried to tell them but I just got Brittany giving my back a comforting rub and whispering soothing words in my ears. I could now tell that the other girl was Quinn, ex head cheerleader and one of my best friends. The man was no one else but Mr Schue, the Spanish teacher and teacher of Glee Club. The walls of the room were covered with posters of bullying, self esteem, abuse and self harm and along the back wall was the word 'silence' in big, pink, capital letters.

I wished it was a nightmare; I wished that if I just shut my eyes tight and prayed hard enough that I'd wake up in my own bed. I did just that but nothing happened, I just wanted to return home, return home to the...the breadcrumbs? I couldn't just throw them away, it wasn't that easy. I tried, I really did but...but nothing. My head was sore, my eyes were sore, my hands were sore and my heart was so sore that it felt like my chest was about to be ripped open and that someone would reach inside and grab hold of it, attempting to take it away, take my soul away. I finally thought that I'd found my voice but when I went to speak, nothing came out, just a small whimper.

A blurred face appeared in front of me and remained still, hovering in thin air. I clamped my hands over my ears to try and stop the screaming but I couldn't. The faces of the posters surrounded me and I turned in my seat to get one of them hitting me in the back of my head. Someone was calling me, shaking me awake now and I just couldn't get rid of them. I felt nerves hit me as I started rocking back and forth in my seat, hugging my knees to my chest and holding my hands to my face, whimpering a little as the blood curling scream echoed throughout the entire room. It hurt to think about it and once again, the little girl appeared in front of me. My eyes snapped open and I noticed her staring back at me, something was different about her. Her eyes were a bright red. I struggled to get out of the chair but a pair of hands was holding me down, the voices continuing to sooth me. I wouldn't listen though.

I screamed.

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. It took me ages to write so I'm glad that I've finally finished it. I will try and get Chapter 2 up as soon as possible, but please leave a review. Thank you. **


	2. Pure Imagination

**Boris Yeltsin: Thanks for reviewing.**

**Kayleigh: Loved your long rambling review, glad you like it and I love your story as well.**

**PuCkUrTLoVer06: Glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing. **

2-Pure Imagination

"I kept seeing this girl, with...with black hair, a pale face and...And no shoes on, she...she had red eyes that...that just stood out from the rest of her. She wore this black cloak that hid one side of her face so you could only see one of her eyes and she...she just stared at me like I was...like I was crazy. I...I wanted her to go away and when I looked again, she...she had. She doesn't go to this school, I know she doesn't. Besides, she...she was only about six, the size of a life size baby doll. She...She wouldn't leave me alone."

"What was she saying?"

"Nothing, she...she just screamed,"

Sitting in the Isolation Room alone with my Spanish teacher and my two best friends was not my idea of fun, I'd finally found my voice and I'd finally been able to talk about what I saw and what I heard. Images flashed in my mind and I shut my eyes tight to try and get rid of them, nothing happened though.

"Breadcrumbs," I said in a soft whisper, glancing down at my hands.

"What is she talking about?" that was Quinn's voice; she was at my side with her hand resting comfortingly on my back, stopping me from getting up out of my seat. It wasn't like I wanted to go anywhere, the fire alarm was still ringing throughout the school and apart from Principal Figgins; we seemed to be the only people left in the building. I knew it wasn't a real fire though; Quinn had smashed the glass to try and get everyone out, to try and help me. Santana Lopez.

I glanced out of the window and saw raindrops racing each other down the glass pane. I used to love looking out of the window, choosing a raindrop and making it race with the other ones, it was what I did when I was stuck at home bored with nothing to do. I was only little back then though, times seemed easier than they are now. The ringing then stopped and we heard Principal Figgins head outside to where the students all stood in a huddle, talking to each other.

"What about the panic attack?" Mr Schue questioned me, "what happened there?"

"I...I don't know," I whispered, "I just panicked, too...too many people..."

"Sweetie," Brittany smiled and stroked my dark hair causing me to flinch and tense up, "you're not making any sense."

"I suggest you get home, get some sleep and see how you are tomorrow," Mr Schue told me and helped me stand up, "I'll call your mom, you girls stay with her."

It wasn't that I didn't like Quinn and Brittany; I just wanted to get home, get away from the nightmare and go to sleep. Mom seemed really panicky about what happened and she wouldn't talk to me at all until we arrived home and she got me up to my room. She tucked me into bed and got me a glass of water before kissing my forehead.

"Sleep tight honey," she whispered in my ear before leaving the room.

I was surrounded by darkness, the only light being from the shining sun outside. I lay awake for what seemed like hours before finally closing my eyes. The little girl appeared inside my head, she had her small hands gripped round my neck tightly, her red eyes staring at me through a crack in the door frame. Her blood curling scream echoed throughout the house when suddenly I gasped and sat bolt upright in my bed. Glancing at my clock, I saw that it was three in the morning exactly, the devil's hour. I'd been asleep for that long.

"M...Mom?" I made my way towards the door and placed a hand on the doorknob, jumping back as the coldness hit my palm. I heard a small whimper coming from under my bed and slid down the wall, hugging my knees to my chest and beginning to rock back and forth rapidly. I clamped my hands over my ears and started to chant over and over, "1, 2 the girl's coming for you, 3, 4 you better lock your door, 5, 6 they're playing tricks, 7, 8 they won't be late, 9, 10 they'll come again."

I screamed as I heard a phone ring and I clamped my hands harder over my ears whilst shutting my eyes.

"It's just my imagination," I muttered, wanting to believe it, "it's just my imagination, it's just my imagination." I heard a loud crash of thunder and my bedroom curtains began flapping freely in the wind. I noticed a small, tiny figure huddled over in the corner, green eyes blinking at me. Gulping nervously, I stood up and grabbed my bedside lamp, walking over to the figure. The lamp hit the wall with great force and dropped onto the stuffed bear that sat where the figure was. The light bulb smashed and the lamp shade rolled across the floorboards towards the door, "just leave me alone!" I yelled punching the stuffed bear over and over with my fists, "just stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I hate you!"

The door swung open and there was a loud bang as someone tripped over the lampshade on their way in. I tried to cower away, thumping the teddy over and over but the figure grabbed hold of my arms and I soon realised who it was.

"Santana!"

"M...Mom?" I glanced towards my mom as she held me close, stroking my hair, "h...has it gone?"

"Has what gone sweetie? Ssshh, it was just a bad dream, don't worry about it,"

"I...I saw something," I cried glancing down at the teddy with red eyes, "I'm sure I did."

"It was just a dream, get back into bed."

"It...It's the devil's hour."

"What?" Mom seemed shocked, "now where on earth did you hear such a silly thing like that?"

"From a...From a film," I gulped, slowly making my way back towards my bed and climbing in under the covers. I went to pick up a glass of water but gasped at what I saw, lots of slithering worms sitting happily in the top, "Mom!"

"What is it now?" Mom yawned, dying to get back to bed.

"Look," I showed her my water.

"I don't see anything Santana, just go back to sleep."

"But..." I looked back inside my glass and saw...water, no worms at all. I went to speak but by now, Mom had already left the room and shut the door behind her. Nervously, I placed the glass of water back on the bedside table and hugged my knees to my chest, "I...I definitely saw something."

I sighed and lay my head down onto my pillow, staring up at the ceiling, biting my lip until it bled. I rolled onto my side to face the wall and taking a deep breath, closed my eyes before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

**Thanks for reading. **


	3. Terrible Things

**SuperBlueGirl12: I know right? Thanks for the review.**

**Kayleigh: Thank you :)**

3-Terrible Things

"Santana,"

I snapped out of my trance and glanced up from my work to see Mr Schue staring at me, his pen hovering over the whiteboard, all ready to write something. I put my pen down and looked behind me before looking back at him with a nervous look in my eye.

"Could you tell me the capital of Spain please?"

"Red eyes," I glanced down at my hands as the little girl appeared in front of me, "um...the black cloak," by now the whole class were laughing at me and Mr Schue didn't seem too impressed by it. He put his pen down and shook his head at me before calling me up to the front and holding out a yellow piece of paper.

"Get your stuff and go to the Isolation Room please?" I had no choice, I nodded and went to get my things packed away, leaving the room. No one was in the Isolation Room and it scared me to be alone. I set my bag down at a random desk and went to close the curtains, making the room look even darker. I raced across to the other side of the room and slammed the door shut quickly so no one could get in. I headed over to the teachers desk and slid down it to sit on the floor and hug my knees to my chest.

"_Hello there,"_

I jumped at the soft voice and turned to look, but no one was there.

"_In here,"_

I stood up and looked at the things scattered across the desk, pencils, pens, paper and an old coffee mug, I picked up the mug and saw the girl's face inside.

"_You're crazy, crazy, crazy!"_

"I'm not," I growled through gritted teeth, shutting my eyes tight, "shut up! Just...Just leave me alone,"

"_There's no one here,"_

"Shut up!" I raised my arm and chucked the mug at the wall causing it to break. I held a hand to my chest and began breathing deeply as the door opened. Mr Schue walked in, his eyes widening at the mess that I'd made, "I didn't do it!"

"What on earth did you do?" he yelled walking over to me, "just look at the mess that you've made! Why'd you do it?" I couldn't answer him; I bit my lip nervously and looked at the broken mug lying in pieces on the floor, "did you see that girl again?" I nodded my head very faintly, "what did she do?"

"She...She spoke,"

"What did she say then?" I looked up at him with a hint of anger in my eyes; he was treating me like some crazy six year old, "well?"

"Hello, that she was in the mug, that I'm crazy and that no one was there,"

"It's alright," he placed an arm round my shoulder and led me out of the room. I was expecting him to take me straight to the principal's office but instead, he led me towards the school nurse's office and knocked on the door before taking me inside, "Josie?" Josie looked up from her desk and smiled up at Mr Schue and then at me, "I have Santana here to talk to you, she's been having a bit of trouble."

"What's wrong?" I sat down on the comfy, red couch that Josie kept in her office and folded my arms across my chest, "Santana?"

"Yesterday," Mr Schue began, "she had a slight panic attack when she arrived at school and told me that she was seeing this little girl everywhere as well as hearing voices and screams. Earlier, she got completely distracted in class so I sent her to the Isolation Room but when I got there, she's broken a teacher's mug. When I asked her about it, she said that she'd seen the girl again."

"Alright, you just sit tight Santana," Josie rummaged in her top drawer of the desk and pulled out a thermometer, sticking it in my mouth, "keep it in for me, that's it," I kept the thing under my tongue until it beeped, then Josie took it out and examined it, "temperature's normal. Has anything else happened Santana?"

"I...I," I found that I couldn't speak again but Mr Schue gave my shoulder a reassuring rub, "last night," I continued quietly, "I woke up at about...exactly three o'clock in the morning and the...the girl was there again. She...She made me chant something and throw...throw my lamp..." I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, "I...I saw worms in...In my water but...but when my mom looked, they...they weren't there anymore..."

"Anything else?" Josie asked making notes in a notepad.

"No," I whispered and shook my head at her. Mr Schue glanced at his watch and remembered his class so subtly left the office, leaving me alone with Josie.

"Could you describe the girl for me Santana?"

"She...she has like...long, dark hair and...And red eyes...one...one eye stands out from the rest of her, she...she's really pale and...And wears a black cloak and...And she has bare feet..."

"Have you told anyone about this?" I shook my head, "how do you feel when you see this girl?"

"Scared, that...that I...I have to do what she says..."

"Do you usually?" I nodded, "thank you Santana, you were very brave to tell me all that. I won't send you back to class right now but I will send you back to sit in the Isolation Room alright?" I nodded and got up from the couch, "thank you for that, I'll see you again soon."

"Thanks," I whispered and headed back towards the Isolation Room. I took a deep breath and sat down on one of the chairs, glancing across at the broken mug. The door opened and Brittany walked in with a smile on her face, "what are you doing here?"

"Mr Schue sent me to see if you were alright," she whispered coming over to kneel next to me "are you alright?"

"Fine," I whispered, "just not feeling that great," I shrugged my shoulders and began to pick at my nails.

"Want me to stay with you for a bit?"

"Yes please," I nodded my head at her and sniffed, "thanks."

"No problem honey."


	4. Unwell

**NobodyPutsKayleighInTheCorner****: Thank you for reading, glad you like it.**

**Boris Yeltsin: Thanks **

4-Unwell

I lunged myself at the girl standing innocently next to her locker, pulling at her dark hair and scratching at her face. She fought back, pinning me to the ground as I tried to throw her off of me. She was screaming causing her boyfriend to start yelling at her but I didn't care. I heard someone call her name and she was dragged away allowing me to stand up.

"Rachel," it was Mr Schue. He had hold of both of us so we wouldn't lose it at each other again, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"She started it!" Rachel yelled and pointed a finger at me, "Tell him Finn!" Finn was silent but nodded a very scared nod, "well, at least she didn't break my talent."

"Right Rachel, I am sure you're fine," Mr Schue calmed her, "Santana, Isolation Room now."

I felt people laughing at me as I made my way to the room but I ignored them. I wasn't going to let a couple of dumb kids get to me. I slammed the door shut and went to close the curtains again before sliding down the wall and hugging my knees to my chest. A blood curling scream echoed throughout the room and I saw her again, I began to chant, slowly rocking back and forth. The door opened and I screamed loudly, causing the figure to run to my side and help me up.

"Santana," they knew my name, how did they know my name? "Santana, it's me," he gave me a shake and I opened my eyes to see Mr Schue staring back at me, "what happened?"

"I...I don't know," I whimpered turning towards the window to see the curtains flapping about, "what was that?"

"What was what?" he questioned me, still holding on tight to my arms.

"Um...n...nothing," I stuttered and began muttering quietly under my breath, "1, 2 the girl's coming for you, 3, 4 you better lock your door, 5, 6 they're playing tricks, 7, 8 they won't be late, 9, 10 they'll come again."

"What?" Mr Schue let go of my arms and put his hands on his hips, looking at me with a shocked expression on his face. I remained rooted to the spot and folded my arms across my chest protectively, shivering and biting my lip, "Santana, what are you saying?"

"H...How do you know my name?"

"Can you come with me please?" I glanced at the window once more and picked up my bag but someone was grabbing it, pulling it away from me. I screamed and collapsed to the floor, refusing to go with him. Looking towards the ceiling, I saw a shadow of something big and my mind began racing, I could hear his voice ringing in my ears as he tried to get me up but I wouldn't move, I stayed where I was shaking my head and screaming at the person to go away. I took a deep breath and began to chant again, the same rhyme that I'd chanted before.

"Shut up!"

"There's no one else here Santana, who are you talking to?"

"Just be quiet, leave me alone! Please get off me!"

"Santana, Santana, listen to me," I continued to scream, the words just turning to nothing but mumbling. I clamped my hands over my ears and shut my eyes tight to try and block out the sounds, the flashing images, everything, "Santana, everything's going to be fine alright? Just come with me and we can give your mom a call, yeah? Come on."

"Please go away," I whimpered seeing the girl's face flash in front of me, "leave me alone, please. I'm going to kill you!"

"Kill who?"

"I'm going to kill you!" I reached for the desk and grabbed a pair of scissors, stabbing them down onto the floor and screaming, "You need to die!" I heard someone race to the door and call out but I didn't care, I continued to stab at the girls face with the scissors and soon, someone else was at my side, a woman. She talked soothingly in my ear and stroked my hair, taking tight hold of the scissors and pulling them away from my grasp.

"Deep breaths," she calmed as I fell to the floor in tears.

"Thanks Josie," Mr Schue whispered from the doorway, "I didn't know what else to do."

"It's fine Will, just go and call her mother," I heard the door slam shut as Mr Schue left the room, leaving me with Josie. I just lay on the floor crying, my vision becoming blurry, "deep breaths Santana."

Josie stayed with me the whole time, telling me the same thing over and over again as I thought about how much I wanted to hurt that girl, how much I wanted to kill her. The door soon opened again and I heard a familiar voice.

"Honey," Mom ran to my side and helped me sit up before pulling me into a tight hug, "thank goodness, you're alright." I didn't know what else to do, I broke down into tears and fell into my mom arms; sobbing hysterically, not wanting to let go, "come on, I'm taking you home. Thank you Will."

"No problem," Mr Schue smiled at me as Mom took my bag and helped me out the room.

I didn't say a word as we drove home in the car. Mom had tears in her eyes the whole way there and it made me sad to see her like that. I tried to speak but didn't know what to say so instead I just remained silent.

"I'm going to give the doctor a call," she told me once we arrived home.

"Why?" I whispered, finding my voice all of a sudden, "I'm fine; I don't need to go to the doctor's."

"Do you call that normal?" she yelled, sounding really angry at me.

"You don't understand!"

"You're right; I don't understand which is why I am calling a doctor."

I kicked the door and pushed a vase of flowers off of a small table. My mum's eyes widened as the vase shattered into millions of pieces and grabbing hold of my arm, she shoved me up the stairs to my room, slamming the door shut.

"I hate you!" I grabbed the stuffed bear that I'd hit the night before and threw it at the window before flopping face down onto my bed in tears. I could hear my mom on the phone downstairs and it scared me to think that she wanted to get me help, get me seen to by a doctor. It wasn't long before she stopped talking and came upstairs and into my room.

"I've booked you an appointment first thing tomorrow morning, at nine o'clock."

**Look up on YouTube 'No Way Out by Phil Collins' and that is the song that this story is based on. Thanks for reading and leave a review. **


	5. Every Time

**NobodyPutsKayleighInTheCorner: Thanks for reviewing every chapter and thanks for the help.**

5-Every Time

The walls were pale and the sound of screaming children ran throughout the hospital. In the centre of the waiting room sat young children playing with Lego blocks and reading books whilst the more grown up children or the adults sat and watched on these uncomfortable hospital chairs whilst reading a really, old magazine. I sighed deeply and swung my legs back and forth, watching a small bit of dust roll across the floor. Mom sat next to me reading a newspaper but I wasn't in the mood to read at all, I didn't belong here.

We'd been waiting for over an hour and all I could think about was Brittany and Quinn stuck in school, learning Spanish, algebra and what kind of text Charles Dickens uses in his novel Oliver Twist. My mind was racing with all these thoughts and I could barely think or talk straight. It wasn't long before someone called my name and my mom was taking me by the hand, walking me in like I was a little girl.

The doctor scanned over his clipboard and asked me questions whilst taking my blood pressure. I answered just as my mother had told me to, grown up and mature. I told him about the little girl, about the panic attacks, about the worms, the things I broke, the chant I knew, the...the urge to kill certain people. As I spoke, he wrote all of this down in a little notepad, just as the school nurse did.

I was crazy, he was probably going to grab hold of me and lock me away forever and ever so no one could ever come and see me ever again. Yeah, so maybe I am being a little overdramatic but it could happen.

"I'll prescribe you with some pills," I snapped out of my trance. That was all, pills, no staying overnight, no being locked up, just boring old pills to take twice a day to try and stop my mood swings.

"What's wrong with her?" Mom asked. I rolled my eyes, typical her to assume that there is something wrong with me.

"I can't be sure," the doctor sighed getting up from his seat, "but if you take these pills twice a day and I'll probably see you in...Six weeks to see how things are going."

"Told you I didn't need to come," I mumbled receiving a whack in the back of the head by Mom, "what?"

"Right," Mom sighed, "thank you doctor."

"My pleasure,"

"I told you that there was nothing to worry about," I told her as we left the hospital to get back in the car, "can we now go home?"

"No," she said driving out of the parking lot, "I'm taking you back to school, it's only half past ten."

I didn't want to go back to school but I had no choice. Mom went to give me a kiss goodbye but I slammed the car door in her face and walked up to the school entrance, opening the door to go inside. Unfortunately, I had Spanish so I needed to give the stupid note that she'd written to Mr Schuester. I walked inside and had the entire class stare at me apart from Mr Schue who just smiled. I threw the note down onto his desk and took my seat between Quinn and Brittany.

"Santana," I sighed and looked up at Mr Schue, "can I see you outside?" I left my bag at my desk and followed him into the corridor, "how was the doctor's then?"

"Fine," I shrugged my shoulders.

"Find out anything?"

"No actually, he just gave me some pills," I smirked, "why is it that you all have to assume there is something wrong with me?"

"Santana, do you want to go and work in the Isolation Room instead?"

"Sure,"

"Go and get your bag then," he sighed. I nodded and headed back into the classroom to get my bag, not even bothering to say anything to Quinn and Brittany. I just walked back out and followed Mr Schue towards the Isolation Room, again it was completely deserted, "have you got your text book?"

"Yeah,"

"Just answer the questions on Page 62,"

"Can you um...close the curtains?"

"Why? It'll be pitch black."

"Please," I begged him as I sat down at one of the desks. He sighed and went over to the window, only half shutting the curtains so there was a still a small gap, "Thanks."

"Come and see me once you've finished the questions," I nodded and took the text book out of my bag, placing it on the desk as he left the room and shut the door behind him. I didn't want to answer the questions; I stared at the page blankly and just saw a load of squiggly lines. I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was almost end of class so closing my text book, I put it back into my bag. I remained sitting in silence, watching the clock carefully until I saw students piling out of their classrooms. Swinging my bag onto my shoulder, I left, bumping into Mr Schue on the way, "hey Santana, did you finish the questions?" I shook my head, "try and get them finished next lesson, alright?"

"Sure," I nodded noticing Quinn and Brittany standing in a corner laughing and talking with each other. I stormed over and pinned Quinn against the lockers, "quit talking about me would you?"

"What?" Quinn asked pushing me away from her, "We weren't saying anything about you."

"Yeah, right?" I scoffed.

"We weren't," Brittany cut in, "honest."

"I don't believe you," I stormed away and walked into the girl's bathroom with Quinn and Brittany following me, "just go away!"

"No," Quinn said as I went into a cubicle and locked the door, "Santana, open the door!" she ordered, knocking on it, "we weren't talking about you, honest! San, open the door!" I sat on the closed toilet seat and hugged my knees to my chest, eyes fixed on the locked door as Quinn continued knocking, "Santana!"

"Please open the door San," Brittany added, "please." Slowly, I leaned forwards and unlocked the cubicle door, Quinn rushing inside straight away.

"What the hell San?" she snapped.

"Just leave me alone," I mumbled turning away from her.

"Fine, be like that," Quinn stormed out of the bathroom altogether but Brittany stayed where she was and came to kneel next to me, placing an arm round my shoulder. Tears streamed down my face as I rested my head on her shoulder.

"It's alright San," she soothed, "don't cry, I'm here."


	6. The Kill

6-The Kill

"I'll get you a drink," Brittany offered as we entered the living room of her house, "water alright?" I just faintly nodded and mouthed a small thank you as I sat down on the couch. Brittany's cat Lord Tubbington then came prancing through, purring and sitting right in front of me to wash its paws. I brought my knees up to my chest and swallowed hard as it started talking to me, snarling at me and growling.

"Leave me alone," I whispered attempting to kick the thing away, "please." It continued to growl and suddenly jumped up onto the couch next to me, "go away!" I grabbed tight hold of its back and hissed in its ear, "I said leave me alone, why won't you leave me alone? I'm going to kill you!" It struggled away from my hand and jumped onto my knee; clawing at my hand and making it bleed a little. I screamed and grabbed the neck of the creature, holding tight so it couldn't get away, "I'm going to kill you! You deserve to die!"

"San," I looked up as Brittany ran into the room dropping the drink and breaking down into tears. I let go of the cat and it jumped up into Brittany's arms, "oh Lord Tubbington, what did you do to him San?"

"He started it; I'm going to kill him!"

"Get away from him," Brittany cried holding the cat close. I knocked a cat statue off of the coffee table and stormed out of the house, heading straight towards the park. My slow walk soon turned into long strides before turning into running.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a couple of coins and walked into the nearby cafe. There was hardly anyone in there which I didn't mind so I brought myself a small coke and sat at a corner table right at the back of the cafe. I glanced up at a picture of a couple sitting at a table before turning my head away, looking across at a young man sitting on his own drinking a coffee.

"Come here often," he smiled at me and winked so I shook my head, "this is my daily place, this is."

"Cool," I sighed and nodded.

"The name's Johnny by the way, yours?"

"Santana," I told him quietly.

"Well Santana, you look as if you've just lost a pound and found a penny,"

"Almost killed my best friend's cat is more like it,"

"Accident?" I just shrugged my shoulders, I wasn't really sure if it was an accident or not, "everyone makes mistakes, I know I've made plenty in the past, things that I regret. Can I get you another drink?"

"How old are you?" I asked him suddenly.

"Twenty five,"

"I'm way too young for you," I sighed taking a small sip of my coke.

"Darling, I ain't flirting or anything," he chuckled, "I'm married with an eight year old son, just being friendly to someone who looks fed up. What's the matter eh?" I sighed and stood up, going to sit at the table opposite him.

"It's a long story really," I told him, "I...I keep seeing and hearing things, things that other people don't."

"I see," he nodded, seeming to understand, "what kind of things then?"

"This girl," I whispered, "I...I don't really know who she is, she...she just appears and...And makes me do things, things I don't want to do."

"Like killing your best friend's cat?" I faintly nodded and hung my head, "there's probably nothing wrong with you, you could just be tired maybe? Guilty about something? It could even be a really bad migraine?"

"So, you don't think I'm crazy at all?"

"Nah," he shook his head and winked at me, "besides, all the best people are crazy anyway," he shoved a card towards me and stood up before walking out of the cafe. I picked the card up and glanced at it, it had his name and phone number on it. I stuffed the card into the back pocket of my pants and walked out of the cafe, leaving a tip on the table for the waitress. It was cold out and I shivered as I felt the breeze hit my body.

I didn't particularly want to go home but I knew if I didn't, Mom would get quite angry as well as worried and scared. Slowly, I began to make my way back to see Mom looking out of the front window waiting for me. As I entered, she came rushing up.

"There you are," she smiled, "I was wondering where you'd gotten to, good day?"

"Not really," I sighed and hung my head, "I've had a bit of a falling out with Quinn and Britt."

"Over what?"

"Something stupid," I mumbled, "it doesn't matter, I'm off to bed now, see you in the morning," I didn't give Mom a chance to speak before heading upstairs to my bedroom, I hated myself for what I'd done to Brittany. I just knew that she'd hate me forever now, Brittany was so fond of Lord Tubbington and I'd gone and almost killed him. My bedroom door soon opened and Mom walked in, coming to sit on the end of my bed "what?"

"What happened eh?"

"I just snapped at Quinn," I mumbled, "I can't remember why now but I snapped at her and she stormed off."

"What about Brittany?"

"I...I almost killed her cat,"

"What?"

"I...I don't know why but I almost killed her cat and now she hates me!"

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you,"

"She does, she was crying and screaming at me as well as swearing and telling me that I should die and that she'd kill me!" Mom sat back in alarm, staring at me with shocked eyes, "she did Mom; I swear I heard her!"

"Sweetie, that doesn't sound like Brittany at all."

"She...She said that though, I...I heard her,"

"Are you sure?" I faintly nodded and bit my lip as tears streamed down my cheeks, "have you taken your pills today?"

"Yeah," I whispered. So obviously a lie, of course I hadn't taken them, I hated them, they screamed crazy at me, "I have."

"Promise me?"

"Promise," still a lie, but I knew that if I told the truth, Mom would go spare and make me take the damn things, "I promise."

"Alright, I'll call you when dinner is ready," she gave my arm a comforting rub and left the room going downstairs to the kitchen. I stared blankly at the wall and shook my head, pursing my lips together.

"You did this to me," I growled through gritted teeth, "I hate you and I shouldn't be the one to die! You should!"


	7. Stronger

7-Stronger

"Why did you ask me to help out?" I asked Mr Schue as we walked into his office. I'd been stopped in the corridors by him and he'd asked me to help clean his office, I didn't actually want to but I'd nodded anyway and agreed to help him all the same.

"Because I wanted to talk to you," he sighed sorting through the papers on his desk, "your mom called me." I froze, my whole world suddenly stopping around me. When a teacher says that your mom rang, it always means trouble, "she told me that apparently you snapped at Quinn and tried to kill Brittany's cat, you seemed quite upset," I faintly nodded at him, "care to explain why?"

"Not really," I mumbled.

"Why'd you do it?" he repeated but I shrugged my shoulders, "Santana?"

"I...It um...It growled at me," I lied quickly, not wanting to tell him the real reason. Mr Schue put his head on one side, clearly not believing a word I was saying, "It's true!"

"Tell me the truth Santana, now please,"

"Fine," I whispered, "they...they were talking about me and I just wanted Brittany to hurt as much as I did when I knew that they were bitching about me," he patted my shoulder and told me to stay where he was whilst he went to collect Quinn and Brittany. I sighed deeply and sat down in the chair, waiting patiently until Mr Schue arrived back with Quinn and Brittany behind him.

"Alright Santana," he sat down at his desk, "Quinn and Brittany promise me that they were not talking about you and apparently before you went round Brittany's house, they told you that in the girl's bathroom." None of us spoke, "girls, this is ridiculous, you three are the best of friends. Why don't you all just make up again yeah?"

"I'm fine with making friends again," Brittany whispered, "Lord Tubbington is alright and I know that it was only an accident."

"I'm sorry," I apologised quietly, "I...I didn't mean to,"

"It's fine San," Quinn smiled, "I'm sorry too."

"There we go," Mr Schue sighed flicking through a folder, "all sorted, you can all go now." Quinn and Brittany stood up to leave straight away but I stayed back for a bit, until finally deciding to get up and follow them.

"Are you alright?" Brittany asked giving me a hug and I nodded.

"Do you want to come over tonight guys?" I asked, "Mom won't mind, Dad will be working but Jamie and Eloise will be there as well."

"I'd like that," Quinn smiled as Brittany nodded in agreement, "thanks San."

Mom was pleased to see Quinn and Brittany with me once I arrived home. Brittany was often at my house so Jamie seemed to love her to bits, Eloise was the shy one so stood in the corner holding her stuffed bunny rabbit and sucking her thumb. Whilst Quinn and Brittany fussed over Jamie, I picked her up and carried her upstairs with us, Jamie deciding to follow. I placed my sister on my bed and shut the door behind me before shutting all windows and closing all curtains.

"Why do you have it so dark San?" Quinn giggled looking around the room as she held Jamie's hand.

"I um...I prefer it that way," I lied biting my lip nervously as I heard a quiet scream fill the air, "did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?" Brittany asked looking up from tickling Eloise.

"Yeah um...me...I didn't hear anything either," I whispered as I heard it fill the air once more.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked but I didn't answer her, "you seem well out of it."

"I'm going to the bathroom," Brittany told Santana knowing where it was. Santana nodded and flopped down onto her bed allowing Eloise to crawl onto her lap, giggling to herself. Quinn sighed and sat next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Now that Brittany's gone," she whispered, "do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"I...I just heard this scream," I whispered back, "a quiet scream, sounding like a little girl."

"Just now?" I nodded, "have you heard it before?" I nodded again and stroked Eloise's hair as she fell asleep on my lap. Quinn didn't say anything but just watched me. My bedroom door opened again and Brittany returned, Jamie racing straight up to her and holding his arms out, "why don't San and I give you a makeover Britt? You'll look great."

"I have plenty of make up," I smiled and picked Eloise up before heading over to her desk. Eloise opened her eyes and struggled to get down so I placed her on the floor and got Brittany to sit in the chair.

"I'll do her hair," Quinn offered running over, "Ellie can help me, can't you Ellie?" Eloise nodded and took a hair band from me.

"Eloise loves doing hair," I pointed out, "you can help me with makeup Jamie, alright? Can you do that?"

"Yep," Jamie nodded and reached for some lipstick. Brittany nervously shut her eyes tight as Jamie began to put some on her whilst I worked on the foundation, "pretty."

"Very pretty," I agreed with him, laughing at the amount of lipstick that Jamie had put on the blonde, "you just sit tight Brittany, looking good." Meanwhile Eloise was in the middle of brushing Brittany's long hair whilst Quinn had a go at plaiting a few strands, tying it with a small colourful elastic band.

"Are you going to make me look like a clown?"

"You'll see," Quinn giggled and winked subtly at me as I started doing Brittany's eyeliner, "that looks great San."

"Work of art, I think we're about done now Britt? What do you think Jamie?" Jamie stepped back to admire his work, "pretty good huh?"

"Yep,"

"Don't open your eyes yet Britt," Quinn said, "we're just finishing off your hair." Eloise finished off brushing and Quinn finished off tying it up. Brittany opened her eyes and stared at herself in my mirror, her makeup was splodgey and clown like and her hair was done in loads of different places.

"Thanks guys," she smiled, stroking her hair, "it looks great."

"You're welcome Britt," I folded my arms as the kids just laughed at how Brittany looked. That was the most fun I'd had in ages.


	8. Running Away

8-Running Away

I didn't feel like doing anything that day. I lay on the couch with my head resting on the arm, TV remote in hand as I flicked through the channels repeatedly. Nothing on, nothing on, nothing on. I sighed and fidgeted about just as Mom came into the room carrying Eloise who was fast asleep. She chucked a newspaper down onto the armchair and opened the curtains causing me to flinch. She knew that I didn't like the curtains open, she knew that I wanted them closed so it was dark.

"Could you close them please?"

She turned to look at me and her face turned serious. She switched the TV off and just stood in front of it with Eloise in her arms, watching me like a hawk. I sat up and placed the TV remote on the coffee table so she knew that I was listening to her.

"What?"

"Can you at least get up and do something?" she snapped, "you've been moping around all day and I am sick of it! Your dad is working and poor Jamie is up in his room playing alone whilst I take care of your sister."

"I was watching TV!"

"No you weren't," she answered back, "you have been flicking through the channels for about two hours without moving whatsoever. That is not called watching TV."

"I was watching TV!" I repeated, determined to start an argument, "just leave me alone, would you?"

"I would like some help with Jamie and Eloise, just go and play with your brother," she yelled, "is that too much to ask?"

"Go away!" I screeched causing Eloise to wake up and begin crying. I got up from the couch and stormed out of the living room. I grabbed my coat from the coat stand and opened up the front door before walking out. I could hear Mom calling after me but I didn't listen and I didn't turn back. I just kept walking.

"Santana," I turned and saw Mom standing on the street, Eloise not with her. I guessed she'd been put down somewhere so she wasn't there to see us argue, "stop right there young lady!"

"Just leave me alone Mom,"

"Sannie," I looked and saw Jamie standing in the doorway of the house, tears in his eyes, "mommy." I sniffled and walked towards my brother, kneeling down in front of the toddler and giving him a hug, "don't go Sannie."

"I...I have to Jamie," I whispered, "I'll miss you though and I want you to be a big boy for me and look after Mom and Ellie, can you do that for me?" Jamie nodded and stuck his thumb in his mouth as I hugged him again, "I'll miss you kiddo."

"Come back inside," Mom ordered but I shook my head at her and just walked off across the street towards the park. As soon as I reached there and I saw that Mom wasn't following, I sat down under the big tree in the pouring rain and folded my arms across my chest. Shivering, I reached for the locket that hung round my head and opened it up to see a picture of Jamie smiling back at me with a toothy grin. Running my fingers over it, I broke down into tears, missing my baby brother. I jumped as I heard the loud sound of thunder from above and suddenly, the entire sky just lit up.

I gasped and buried my face in the tree trunk, suddenly feeling quite scared. I began to rock back and forth with my hands clamped over my ears to try and block out the thunder. I heard the scream again and struggled to breathe. I managed to look up slightly and noticed a dark figure walking towards me. Beginning to panic even more, I let out a scream and started yelling for them to get away from me.

"Santana," I looked up as he grabbed hold of my arms and saw that it was actually someone very familiar, "It's me."

"J...Johnny,"

"Are you alright kid? It was just a panic attack, deep breaths,"

"What...What are you doing here?"

"I was just on my way home, I thought it was you," I nodded faintly unable to talk, "It's freezing out here, why don't you come home with me eh? I can make you a Hot Chocolate," I nodded and mouthed a small thank you as he helped me up from the wet grass, "my house isn't far, just across the road at the other side of the park."

I allowed Johnny to walk me back to his place. His house was nice, a small two story detached one with a huge front yard as well as a shiny, silver Mercedes sitting on the driveway. He turned the handle and took me inside.

"Daddy!" a small eight year old boy raced up to him for a hug, "who's this daddy?"

"This is Santana, Santana this is my son Arthur,"

"Pleased to meet you," I smiled.

"Mommy!" Arthur screamed through to the kitchen, "Daddy brought someone home." A young, beautiful woman wearing a cooking apron then appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. Her dark hair was tied up in a bun and she had a kind smile, "see."

"Well, I would have cleaned if I knew we were having visitors," the woman smiled and came to shake my hand, "I'm Maisy, Johnny's wife. Who are you?"

"Santana," I said quietly, "I...I met Johnny in the park cafe,"

"She needs a hot chocolate dear," Johnny said, "I found her in the park just now freezing, wet and I think she's had a bit of a panic attack."

"Oh dear yes, I'll get you a drink. Arthur, could you bring your Spiderman blanket for Santana, there's a good boy," Arthur proudly nodded and rushed upstairs straight away as Johnny sat me down on their black, leather couch. My house was nowhere near as big as this and I didn't quite know where to go, "I had that doctor's appointment earlier dear," Maisy told Johnny as she brought my drink and a tin of cookies through.

"Oh great," Johnny smiled up at his wife, "do we know the sex yet?"

"Not yet, it's still too soon,"

"Sex?" I asked sipping at my drink and munching on a cookie, "You're pregnant?"

"Yep, two months now," Maisy smiled and sat down next to his husband, "didn't Johnny tell you?"

"I didn't think we were telling people," Johnny kissed her cheek and took her hand, "you don't want to just yet, do you?"

"Yes but Santana isn't going to spread it round, we barely know her."

Arthur then came into the living room and draped a Spiderman blanket over me. I smiled and thanked him as he went to sit on the floor by a big box of toy cars.

"I know it probably isn't the nicest blanket," Maisy told me, "but it's nice and warm."

"No, it's fine," I said to be polite, "thanks."

"Have you got somewhere to go?" Maisy asked, "We can get the camp bed out for you if you want."

"I...I'm alright thanks, I don't want to intrude."

"Nonsense dear, it's chucking it down out there," Maisy shook her head, "you can stay here tonight."

"You can borrow my blanket!" Arthur offered pushing a toy car along the carpet, "I don't mind."

"Thank you Arthur," Maisy thanked and kissed her son, "there's a good boy."

They let me stay the night. I felt awkward sleeping in a house that I'd never been to before but Johnny and his wife were being really nice to me and I couldn't stand going back to Mom, not after I'd ran away. She'd be so angry at me. I pulled the Spiderman blanket over my head and slowly closed my eyes before going to sleep.


	9. Stand Still Look Pretty

9-Stand Still Look Pretty

I removed the Spiderman blanket from my head and looked at the time on my phone, six in the morning. Typical, not even any missed calls from Mom. I sighed and glanced at my locket picture once more, missing Jamie dearly. I threw the blanket off of me and put my shoes and jacket on before going into the hallway. I saw the jacket that Johnny was wearing and rummaged deep into the pocket until I found the keys. Quickly, I unlocked the door and stepped out into the cold night. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the help that they were giving me, I just needed some alone time.

I wished that I could just paint my face and pretend that I was someone else. I was fed up; I couldn't even look at myself right now. I'd always been told that there were people out there who had worst problems than I did but it didn't always help to think about that. I wished people would take a walk in my shoes, I was falling apart. I showed up at a lake and looked into the water, standing still and looking pretty.

A single tear rolled down one side of my face and dripped onto the water below. I sniffled and wiped my eyes before walking away. I found myself at a train track and I went to sit myself down on the bench to watch the trains go by. I felt like just getting on a train and going somewhere, somewhere far from here. I looked up and saw the footbridge going across the tracks so decided to go and stand on it where I could get a better view. As I stood, a train sped past below, causing my hair to blow in the breeze.

_"I kept seeing this girl, with...with black hair, a pale face and...And no shoes on, she...she had red eyes that...that just stood out from the rest of her. She wore this black cloak that hid one side of her face so you could only see one of her eyes and she...she just stared at me like I was...like I was crazy. I...I wanted her to go away and when I looked again, she...she had. She doesn't go to this school, I know she doesn't. Besides, she...she was only about six, the size of a life size baby doll. She...She wouldn't leave me alone."_

_"What was she saying?"_

_"Nothing, she...she just screamed,"_

I shuddered at the memory and shut my eyes tight as I slid down the wall of the footbridge, beginning to slowly rock back and forth and sing to myself.

_"Rachel," it was Mr Schue. He had hold of both of us so we wouldn't lose it at each other again, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"_

_"She started it!" Rachel yelled and pointed a finger at me, "Tell him Finn!" Finn was silent but nodded a very scared nod, "well, at least she didn't break my talent."_

_"Right Rachel, I am sure you're fine," Mr Schue calmed her, "Santana, Isolation Room now."_

I sang louder, my eyes shut, trying to blank out the horrible flashbacks that came to mind.

_"The name's Johnny by the way, yours?"_

_"Santana," I told him quietly._

_"Well Santana, you look as if you've just lost a pound and found a penny,"_

_"Almost killed my best friend's cat is more like it,"_

I screamed and clamped my hands over my ears, mumbling over and over. I hated the whole world, myself, Mr Schue, Quinn, Brittany, Mom, Dad, Johnny, everyone. I gasped and my eyes snapped open as I heard footsteps down below. I clambered to my feet and peered over the edge to see a policeman standing there.

"What are you doing here miss?" he asked in a stern voice.

"Um...n...nothing," I stuttered nervously.

"You look familiar, care to tell me your name?"

"Um...D...Daisy Wright..." I lied quickly, knowing that Mom had probably called him at some point.

"Is that true?" he questioned and pulled a picture from his pocket. I stepped back a couple of paces as I noticed the policeman walk towards the footbridge. He was on it now, edging closer, dialling a number on his cell. I panicked and looked down at the train tracks below and then to the other side where I saw a train coming.

"If you move any closer, I'm going to jump," I threatened him angrily, "right off this bridge!"

"Now don't do that kid," he smiled nicely putting his cell phone back, "I've called your mom."

"Not another step!" I winced and shut my eyes as a blood curling scream filled the air and the little girl's voice rang in my ears, "shut up!" I whispered to her, "Please shut up!" I slowly began to climb onto the bar on the side of the bridge when I heard a woman yell my name. I glanced up and saw Mom racing towards me, still in her pyjamas with her head a scruffy mess, "get away from me!"

"Santana, don't you dare!" she threatened. I could hear the train coming my way and I could see the policeman as well as my mother slowly edging towards me, "Santana!"

"_Come on jump!" _Half of me was saying, _"you've got no reason to live, everyone hates you, just do it! Jump!"_

"_Don't do it," _the other half was saying, _"you're a good person, your family and friends all love you and wouldn't want you to kill yourself."_

"_Don't listen to her, listen to me. If you jump now, then it'll be the end of all this. You'll be gone, you'll be happier."_

"_Don't jump! People can get you help, just don't kill yourself."_

"_Don't listen to her, you don't need help, jump!"_

"_Don't jump!"_

"_Jump!"_

"You don't understand!" I screamed and edged closer to the side of the bridge as the train zoomed past.


	10. Shattered

10-Shattered

"No!" I screamed and stepped away from the bridge as I watched the train go speeding away from me, "I missed it! I missed the stupid train!" Tears streamed down my face as I turned to see my mom standing there with the policeman, "first I...I...I ran away and then I go and miss my train, it doesn't make any sense."

"Santana, come on," Mom sobbed but I wouldn't listen to her. I spotted in the distance, a small figure walking towards me. Quinn, "I...I called her after the police called me," Mom cried, "I guessed that if you wouldn't listen to me, you'll listen to Quinn. I mean, she's been a good friend to you hasn't she?"

"San?" Quinn asked stepping towards me, "talk to me."

"I...I don't know. It's so dark, I...I understood but I don't know; I had a great life and...It's these stupid breadcrumbs, they...they just crumble and it's still really dark. I missed the train! It's just too early and you...you should be in bed and I...I should be in...There! It all made sense before with you and Brittany and...Me, I...I need to get away! I just need to! I thought everything would be alright, but that girl is ruining my life! I want her dead Quinn, she needs to die! I hate her! I love Britt; I'm in love with Britt. I want to marry her and move away with her and...Grow old with her and have children with her but that's too late! I can't live with her! She hates me! I almost killed her cat and now she hates me! It's all too late! Too late and b...bloody, who wants to marry a girl with blood on their hands? It's just too late Quinn! Nothing makes sense, nothing ever makes sense. Everything's changed. I just don't know what's going on anymore, everything in my life always ends in breadcrumbs, blood and little girls! No one likes me and they're all just pretending to be my friends!"

I screamed and grabbed the locket from around my neck, chucking it across the footbridge to the other end where Mom and the policeman stood. Mom slowly picked it up and opened it to reveal the picture, breaking down into tears.

"Honey..." Mom began but I cut her off.

"Go away!" I slid down the wall and hugged my knees to my chest, beginning to rock back and forth. Quinn carefully walked over to where I was sat and slid down next to me, placing an arm round my shoulder.

"It's ok," Quinn whispered close to tears, "It's ok."

"Nothing makes sense," I cried to her, "nothing."

"It's ok," Quinn repeated, "because we can get you help, we can. That is all you need San and we can get it for you, I promise."

"I don't," I screamed shaking my head in tears, "I don't need any help!"

"Yes you do," Quinn sobbed, "I don't like the sound of it either San but you do, you've not been yourself and you're scaring me and you're scaring Britt as well. I...I had a grandma who was just like you San, she used to take me away from Mom and Dad and say that we were going to Disneyland. She used to drive round for hours and hours and sometimes we'd even end up at the other side of the country but that didn't matter in the end because we realised that she needed help and we got it for her."

"What...What happened?"

"She's dead now," Quinn whispered, "but before she died, she was still very sick. She could never be cured altogether but at least the doctor managed to do something to help her. They can help you if you'd let them."

"I...I can't,"

"If we get you help now, then I'll call my mom and tell her that I'm staying with you. I'm not going to let you go through it alone San, you just need to let us in and allow us to help you, please. You need it,"

"It...It's that girl, she keeps torturing me," I cried, "she keeps screaming and talking to me and...And she gets inside my head."

"I know, I know," Quinn soothed and patted my hand, "but no one else can see or hear this girl and if we get you help, then the doctor will be able to make that girl go away. You'll never see her again and she'll never bother you again, just let us help you; please San."

"Y...You'll stay with me?"

"I will," Quinn promised, "every step of the way, I'll be here."

I slowly scrambled to my feet as Quinn followed, placing an arm round my shoulder and leading me towards the policeman and my mom. Mom held her arms out to me and I fell into them in tears, clinging to her like a little kid, never wanting to let go.

"We'll get you help honey," she sobbed kissing the top of my head, "we'll get you help."

"Hey," the policeman walked up, "how about I give you all a ride to the hospital?"

"That'll be ever so kind of you," Mom smiled at him, "thank you."

"Hop into my car,"

It was still dark outside. Mom sat in the passenger seat of the police car whilst I sat in the back next to Quinn. I was staring blankly out the window whilst I felt someone give my hand a tight squeeze. I looked and saw Quinn smiling at me.

"Are you okay?" I managed a small smile back and shook my head, breaking down into tears again as I rested my head on her shoulder.

"You'll be fine," Quinn whispered to me comfortingly, "I promise."

"I'm scared."

"I know you are sweetie,"

The hospital was deserted; of course it would be at this time of the morning. Whilst Quinn and I went to sit in the waiting room, Mom talked to the policeman, telling him that he was free to go and that she was happy to get a taxi home, meaning my dad would come and pick us up. I lay down on the chairs of the waiting room and rested my head on Quinn's lap as she flicked through an old magazine. She sighed and put the magazine down, going to give my hair a comforting stroke instead. I was scared about school the next day, whether Mr Schue would ask about me, whether Brittany would burst into tears and worry about me. Thinking about it made me cry and Quinn soon noticed my tears so wiped them with the bottom of her t-shirt. I looked up at her and reached out to hold her hand, wanting just a bit of comfort.

"Sweetie, you'll have to let Quinn go now," Mom knelt in front of me and caressed my cheek gently, "the doctor wants to speak with you privately; she'll be here when you get back." I sat upright and glanced up at a male doctor standing above my bed. Mom had me follow him to a room whilst she sat down next to Quinn.

The doctor's room was obviously for children, really colourful and full of posters and old play things. I sat down in a chair and fiddled nervously with my shirt sleeves.

"Your mom told me what had been going on," he whispered kindly and smiled making me smile weakly back, "I'm going to talk to her as well but we think it might be best if you spend a couple of days in hospital."

"I...I don't want to," I managed, tears forming in my eyes.

"We think it might be best, after what happened. We want to help you Santana and we can if you let us, do you understand that?" I nodded faintly, "we're going to transfer you do to Lima Medical Centre."

"I don't need any mental help," I shook my head, "that's a mental hospital."

"It will help you Santana, I promise. The doctor's there are really nice and you'll have your own room."

Now he was treating me like a child. He offered me a lollypop from his jar and left the room to get Mom and Quinn. I didn't want the lolly; I chucked it at the wall and broke down into tears. The door opened and Mom walked in, followed closely by Quinn who'd obviously been crying. Quinn raced to my side and wrapped her arms round me, rubbing small circles up and down my back to try and calm me down.

"I'll come and visit," she promised, "and I'll bring Britt with me as well, alright?" I nodded at her.

"Be brave baby," Mom gave me a gentle hug, "I have the address of the hospital, I'll bring your father with me to see you. You're going to be fine."

"I don't want to go,"

"San, you have to," Quinn whispered, giving my hand a squeeze, "they can help you."

"I...I'll miss you,"

"I'll miss you too."


	11. Brave

11-Brave

I hated it here. I sat in my room lying in my bed, staring blankly at a wall. It was half past nine so Quinn and Brittany were both at school now; I wondered if Quinn had mentioned what happened, if she had told Brittany everything. I didn't want to upset Brittany, I never meant to. There was a knock on my door and I looked up to see my nurse, Shelly standing there smiling. I didn't smile back; then my mom followed her inside.

"Hello love," she smiled coming to hug me but I wouldn't let her, "Santana,"

"Just go away," I mumbled from under the covers, "I don't want to talk to you."

"Santana, talk to your mom," Shelly said kindly, "come on."

"I don't want to!" I snapped removing the covers from my head, "she put me in here! This was her fault!"

"Santana, it was for the best," Mom said close to tears but I still didn't listen, "Shelly told me that you'd rather stay in here than socialize with the other people, why?"

"They're all crazy," I mumbled, "I'm not which is why I don't need to be here!"

"Quinn's worried about you," she said, "apparently she didn't want to go to school this morning."

"Did she?"

"Yes," Mom nodded, "Judy made her."

"I didn't ask you to come and visit me," I told her, "you can go now; I'm tired."

"Honey, please talk to me,"

"I don't want to talk to you! I don't even want to look at you!"

"At least take this," she brought something from her pocket and handed it over to me. It was my locket with the picture of Jamie inside. I sniffled and opened it up to look at the picture.

"Do we even know what's wrong with me yet?" I asked closing it and holding it tightly in my fist.

"We're working on that," Shelly smiled and turned back to my mom, "I'll see you out Mrs Lopez; we should really let Santana sleep."

I didn't want to sleep. I'd only said that to make Mom leave and now she was gone and I actually regretted it. It was only twelve o'clock and I was really hoping for a visit from Quinn and Brittany. I needed them to get me out of here, I wanted to leave. I lay in bed and watched the clock until Shelly walked in and placed my dinner on the table for me. I didn't feel hungry.

"You can eat in here until you get used to it alright?" Shelly told me, "then maybe you can think about eating in the hall with everyone else, how about it?" I just shrugged my shoulders, still not feeling hungry, "at least eat something."

"I'm not hungry," I whispered holding back my tears. My door opened and another female doctor walked in.

"What is it Rochelle?" Shelly asked walking over.

"Thomas is in tears because Harriett pinched him," Rochelle sighed, "and there's someone here to see Miss Lopez,"

"I told Mom to go away," I cried but Shelly just told Rochelle to send her in. I groaned and rolled onto my side but heard someone call my name. Sitting up, I saw Quinn standing in the doorway with the two women, "Quinn?" she smiled and ran to my bed, wrapping her arms round me, "what are you doing here? You're meant to be in school."

"I told Mom that I wanted to stay home to visit you but she made a deal with me that if I go to school in the morning, she'd come and get me at lunch time and bring me here. How are you doing sweetie? I've missed you," I didn't answer but buried my face into her chest, tears in my eyes.

"I...I didn't think you'd come."

"It's alright," Quinn soothed, "I'm here now, aren't I?" Shelly and Rochelle left to check on Thomas and shut the door behind them.

"Did you tell Britt I was there?"

"Of course I did, she was really upset and she...she doesn't really want to come here. I think she's scared."

"I need to see her,"

"I know, I'll trick her if I have to. I'll tell her I'm taking her to a funfair or something but I'll bring her here for you."

"That's mean; you know Britt believes anything," I giggled, "what about Mr Schue?"

"I told him as well," She whispered, "he couldn't quite believe that it had happened."

"I just want to get out of here, Mom came to visit but I just told her to go away," I cried as Quinn hugged me, "It's her fault that I'm here."

"You can't blame your mom, she's worried about you and wants to come and see if you're alright. You can't keep pushing her away like that," she glanced towards my dinner tray, "you've not eaten anything."

"I'm not hungry,"

"You have to eat San, just try a little bit for me," I shook my head and fiddled with the locket that I held in my hand, "I know you don't think so but you do need to be here, you threatened to throw yourself off a bridge."

"I was angry!" I yelled at her, "angry at the whole world."

"You don't need to be though; you'll be looked after here." I managed a faint nod as the door opened again. It was Shelly, "hey," Quinn smiled politely.

"Hello, sorry but visiting hours are over now."

"Alright," Quinn nodded and hugged me, "see you soon then yeah? Will you be alright?"

"Quinn?" Quinn stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me, "I dreamt about the girl last night, she told me that the doctors would kill me. Will...Will they?"

"No San, they won't," Quinn smiled hugging me again, "don't listen to a word that girl says alright?" I nodded at her, "It's just your imagination," she whispered in my ear before leaving the room.


	12. That Kiss

12-That Kiss

I hardly slept at all last night, I just wanted out. No matter how hard I tried, I kept dreaming about the girl, and the things she said. Shelley actually managed to get me down to the social room that morning, not that I wanted to socialise with anyone. Once I got in there, I noticed some people sitting on couches and chairs watching Finding Nemo, reminding me of Brittany immediately. I sighed deeply and sat down at a corner table opposite a twelve year old boy who was building a house with blocks. He glanced at me and moved his chair further away so I couldn't touch him, he reminded me of Jamie.

"Do you need some help?" I offered kindly but he shook his head, "what's your name?"

"Thomas, now don't touch them,"

I'd heard the nurse's talk about Thomas a number of times, he had autism. I stopped talking to him as Shelley came over, followed closely by Quinn. I smiled once I saw her and she gave me a quick hug.

"Do you want to go to your room?" she asked and I nodded faintly, leading her to my room. Shelley came with us to make sure we were okay and then she left, "so, how are you holding up in this place?"

"Give me your phone," before she could answer, I snatched her phone away and sat down in the corner chair of my room.

"What are you doing?"

"Texting Britt," I told her without looking up, "I'm not allowed to use my cell phone in here; it's kind of like Prison really. I am allowed to use a pay phone once a week though," I handed her cell back to her, "thanks."

"I...I did try to get her to come here San, honest I did try," Quinn promised me, "she's scared though, she doesn't want to come because she doesn't want to see you here,"

"You're...You're scared," I pointed out, close to tears, "but you still came."

"I guess I'm just braver," she shrugged her shoulders and knelt in front of me, removing the hair from my eyes, "It's weird seeing you with your hair down," she giggled, "you've always got it tied up in a ponytail."

"I don't like it here Quinn, I...I am so, so, so sorry but..."

"Hey," she soothed and pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back comfortingly, "what are you sorry for eh? Ssshh, what are you sorry for?"

"Everything, you...you've tried to help me and I...well, I've been such a bitch to you, I then end up in this place and for some reason you visit me and no...no one else does," I sobbed, tears streaming down my face, "I...I want to see Britt at least."

"I know you do," she nodded in agreement and wiped a tear away from my eye, "I know you do, I...I will get her here though, I promise that I will get her here, give me time alright?" I nodded at her, "give me time and I will return with Britt, I promise, I won't let you down."

I waited and I waited for Quinn to come back to visit me, it wasn't until Saturday morning at exactly nine thirty when Shelley walked through the door to my room. I sat up in my bed and saw Quinn, along with Brittany. Shelley left, leaving us alone.

"San," Brittany swallowed hard, "Quinn, you told me that we were coming to an Ice Cream factory."

"I know Britt, I'm sorry that I lied but Santana really wants to talk to you."

"I do," I sobbed, "I need you Britt, I'm scared and I really want to talk to you. I...I don't know what I've done but please just tell me and I can apologise, I can make it right again, I...I just miss us being friends."

"You tried to kill yourself," Brittany whispered, tears forming in her eyes, "and don't deny it because Quinn told me every little detail,"

"But I'm okay," I told her.

"And I'm glad that you are, I'm glad that you're okay but I...I just can't talk to you right now. What if you try and do it again, what if I...what if I lose you?"

"But that is the reason I'm here Britt, they're going to help me and then I'll be out and I'll be alright, you don't have to worry about losing me because I...I'm okay."

"I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders.

"Please Britt, I...I'm sorry that I upset you and I'm sorry that I tried to kill myself, I...I love you though."

"I love you too," she said and edged closer to my bed, sitting down on the edge and taking my hand, "honestly San, I do love you but...I...I just hate seeing you do this to yourself."

"I can't help it," I growled through gritted teeth, "it's the voices! I can't help it!"

"I'm going to go and get a drink," Quinn whispered and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"I...I can't help it Britt," I cried burying my face in her chest, "I can't,"

"Baby, please..." Brittany kissed my cheek, "You're going to get help, you are but until you do I just need some space and time alone...with Lord Tubbington,"

"You and that cat," I managed to laugh through my tears, "Sorry I tried to kill him."

"He's alright, he was just a little bit shaken up," Brittany reassured me and leaned in, pressing her lips hard to mine, "I love you, you know that right?" I nodded, "and you're going to get help but I'll be waiting for you, I'll be waiting at school and when you return and you're all better then...then maybe we can start new, forget that all this ever happened, how does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me," I shrugged. The door opened and I went to smile at Quinn but instead it was just Shelly and Rochelle, Quinn soon followed behind holding a bottle of water, "guys?"

"We...We may have a result," Shelley whispered hanging her head.

"Don't panic Santana," Rochelle added, "have you ever heard of an illness called Schizophrenia?" I shook my head and so did Brittany.

"I've heard of it," Quinn spoke up, "It's a mental illness right, where you hear things and see things that other people don't? I think you get really bad mood swings as well, that's all I know really."

"That's exactly right Quinn," Shelley nodded at her, "we think it could be what Santana has."

"Schizo...what now?"

"Schizophrenia," Shelley repeated, "It can be quite serious so I'm afraid we need to keep you in a little while longer,"

"Will it ever go away?" Rochelle and Shelley shook their heads, "so I'll have to stay in here my whole life."

"I didn't say that," Shelley said, "we'll keep you in here for a bit but when you leave, we can give you some medication to take," she smiled, "if you take that, then you should be okay, visitors time is over now I'm afraid."

"I'll see you later San," Quinn said.

"See you later," Brittany repeated, "I love you," she added and kissed me on the lips once again.

**Sorry for the long update, I wasn't sure how to write this chapter. Please review. **


	13. Promise This

13-Promise This

"Sweetie, please talk to me," Mom placed her hand on mine and gave me a reassuring smile. I was sat at my usual corner table in the socialising room, refusing to talk to anyone, especially Mom, "I hate seeing you like this," as soon as she said that, Dad walked through the door carrying Jamie whilst Eloise slept in her pushchair. I smiled and raced over to him, hugging Jamie as he held his arms out to me. Dad placed him down and I picked him up, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey kiddo," I cooed bouncing him up and down, "how are you doing without Sannie, eh?"

"Bad," he squealed, "very, very bad, miss you Sannie,"

"I miss you too squirt, have you been good?"

"Yeah, why are you here?"

"Because I have to be," I whispered going to sit down with him on my lap, "I'll be back soon though, I promise and when I'm gone you can play with anything in my room for a special treat; how does that sound?"

"Good,"

Thomas then ran over, a teddy bear in his arms. He looked at me and then glanced at Jamie who was sucking his thumb and giggling as I bounced him up and down on my lap over and over.

"Who's the baby?" he asked.

"My little brother," I told him, "he's only four,"

"Sweetie," Mom came back over after having a quick conversation with Dad, "how have you been getting on here?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I'm sorry that you have to come here but you want to get better don't you? I want you to get better; you're not messing with bad people are you? Do they try and sell you drugs?"

"It's not rehab for goodness sake, it's a mental hospital so they're all the same as me; you don't even know anything about this place Mom!"

"Sweetie, I'm sorry,"

"I'm not your sweetie," I mumbled stroking Jamie's hair and kissing his cheek, "I just want to get out of this place, why won't you understand that?"

"I do understand that swe...Santana, I do but it's going to help you, it's going to make the voices go away isn't it? You want to get better don't you?" I didn't answer her, "your nurse..."

"Shelley," I interrupted, "that's her name."

"Ok well Shelley," Mom sighed, "tells me that you have Schizophrenia, do you know what that is?"

"Course I do, I'm not stupid," Jamie climbed off of my lap and I folded my arms across my chest angrily, "where's Quinn? She said that she'd come and see me today, she hasn't come yet has she?"

"I'm sure she'll turn up,"

Quinn soon came running over, wrapping her arms round me tightly and apologising over and over again. I just clung to her whilst Mom and Dad watched me, Jamie standing between them, eyes fixed to the big TV in the corner.

"I am so sorry I'm late," Quinn apologised again, "I had to be kept after school to finish some Spanish work, I brought you something though."

"Why am I here?"

"You know why," Quinn hugged me and tapped my nose, "now, I brought you something, two things actually," she rummaged in her bag and pulled out two boxes of jelly beans, "I thought you might be hungry and they were on buy one get one free at the store, there's one more thing I got you as well." She pulled out a small teddy bear and handed it to me, "thought it might cheer you up."

"Thanks Quinn," I smiled and opened up a box of jelly beans, "how did you know that I had a weakness for these?"

"I know you well San, can I have one?"

"Sure, what flavour?"

"I'll try popcorn," I handed her a popcorn flavoured one and took a watermelon for myself, "these are good jelly beans."

"Yeah they are," I nodded in agreement, "I'll save some for Britt."

"Hey you have two boxes so I'll be worried if you manage to get through both on your own."

"Oh you'd be surprised," I giggled, "so, how's school, anything new?" Quinn shook her head, "same old, same old then?" she nodded as Mom and Dad walked back over, "what?" I asked them as Jamie hugged me, popping a jelly bean into his mouth.

"We're going to head home now baby, Eloise is a little tired,"

"Alright," I nodded, "I'm sorry, I...I know you only did it to help me,"

"That's alright, we'll come by tomorrow and see how you're doing, be good," I nodded as they both kissed me and left, Jamie dragging himself behind grumpily. Quinn took another jelly bean from the box and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I kind of miss school," I admitted to her, "I know it's crazy but I do."

"It's not crazy," Quinn reassured her, "I don't think it's the same without you,"

"When I get out of here, I...I'm going to try and be a better person," I vowed, "I...I'm going to be nicer to people, I'm going to...try anyway...to stop smoking and I...I'm just not going to give up, I can't, I can't give up."

"That's good of you San," Quinn told me and gave my arm a rub, "I except that about you, that's really good."

"If I...If I do smoke..." I began, "which I probably will, could you do me a favour?"

"What's that?"

"Just slap me."


	14. Feels like Home to Me

14-Feels like Home to Me

"Santana," I glanced up from writing in my journal and saw Shelley standing in the doorway. I was forced to write in my journal every day, Shelley wanted me to write what my mood was, how I was feeling and a load of other crap as well, "you have a visitor," I glanced at the clock and saw that school had just finished so I really expected it to be Quinn or Brittany, but Mr Schue walked in instead holding a bouquet of flowers.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned him, closing my journal and placing it on the bedside table.

"I brought you these," he held up the flowers and Shelley took them to go and put them in a vase, "Quinn told me what happened."

"So I...I guess you came to bring me my Spanish homework then," I sighed getting prepared for it.

"No," he chuckled and shook his head, "I've let you off that, I came to see how you were doing."

"I'm doing okay," I shrugged my shoulders, "Shelley said that I...I can go home soon, now they know what's wrong with me."

"Schizophrenia," I nodded and my laughed at how much he knew.

"Has Quinn been updating you every day or something?"

"Yeah, something like that, she and Brittany can't wait until you come back,"

"What about the rest of the Glee Club?" I whispered, knowing very well that they weren't looking forward to it at all.

"Yeah them too,"

"That's a lie," I pointed out, "they hate me,"

"No they don't, has your parents been?" I nodded, "that's good then, what's it like here?" I shrugged my shoulders, it was alright really but I didn't want to admit that to him, "I suppose you've just been resting quite a bit haven't you?" I kept the silence up but nodded faintly at him, "you'll be fine once you're out, have you got medication to take?"

"Yeah," I whispered and yawned, "sorry, I'm quite tired."

"I should be off now anyway, I only came to bring the flowers and see how you were doing,"

"Thanks,"

"I'll see you soon."

It wasn't long before I could finally go home. I woke up one morning in my own bed and got showered and dressed before taking my medication. I hated taking it but I couldn't risk ending up in hospital again.

"What do you want to do today honey?" Mom asked as I headed downstairs, "your dad has a day off work so he is taking Jamie and Eloise out for the day leaving just us two, what do you want to do?"

"Sit here," I mumbled taking a seat on the couch.

"Alright, well we can sit here and talk about things then eh?"

"In silence preferably," I corrected her, "haven't you got some dishes or something to clean?"

"I already did the dishes; I'd like to spend time with my daughter after she's come out of hospital. How are you feeling?" I shrugged my shoulders, "did you take your meds?" I nodded, "good, how about we bake some cookies?"

"I don't want to do anything," I snapped at her, "I just want to sit here!"

"But you...you don't want to end up in hospital again do you baby?"

"How will me just sitting here end me back in hospital? I'm fine, I'm a little tired and not really in the mood to do anything, alright?" Mom looked kind of scared but managed a nod at me, "good." We sat in silence for a little while until Mom finally turned on the TV.

"What's on?" she asked patted my arm.

"How am I supposed to know?" I shrugged, "I've not watched TV at all this morning, I don't particularly want to either," she nodded and smiled, switching off the TV, "can we go out somewhere, to the mall maybe?"

"I don't that's such a good idea, you've just come out of hospital."

"So? I'm going to be bored sitting at home all day,"

"I asked if you wanted to make cookies,"

"I'm not nine though, can I please go out?" she shook her head, "god, you are so annoying," I screamed at her and standing up, kicked the wall before storming out of the room and heading upstairs to my own bedroom.

"Santana Lopez, get back here," Mom called after me but I didn't answer her. I slammed my bedroom door shut and flopped face down on the bed, it wasn't long until my door opened and Mom walked in, "sweetie."

"Stop following me," I mumbled into the pillow.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to upset you but I'm just worried about you, what if you have another panic attack?"

"I'm on medication; I can't stay inside my whole life."

"I guess you're right," she sighed and sat on the edge of my bed as I slowly sat up to look at her, "you will have to go back to school eventually."

"No," I whispered and shook my head, "I...I'm not going back to school, I can't,"

"Santana, you have to go back,"

"I can't, every...everyone will be staring at me," I gulped nervously attempting not to cry, "I can't go back to school, it'll just be too hard."

"At least think about it," she smiled and placed an arm round me, "please," I hesitated but nodded eventually and rested my head on her shoulder, "now come on, let's go and make those cookies eh? It'll be a nice surprise for when your dad returns home with Jamie and Eloise,"

"Sure," I smiled and leaned in to give her a hug, "thanks Mom."


	15. Mean

15-Mean

"I don't want to be here," I whined as I walked up the steps of the school with mom, "can't I just stay at home with you again, please?" Mom sighed and brought a hairbrush out of her purse, brushing through my hair again.

"No," she said putting it back, "It's been three whole weeks Santana; you need to come back at some point."

"It seems bigger than before," I whispered looking up at the tall building in front of me.

"Do you want me to come in with you sweetie?" I shook my head and folded my arms, "alright, but give this to Principal Figgins," she handed me a letter, "I mean it, I'll be ringing the school later to see if you've given it to him."

"Whatever, you can go now,"

"Be good," she kissed me on the cheek before going back down the steps. I watched her drive away before walking through the big, double doors. Everyone was already in class so the corridors were completely deserted but I made my way towards Principal Figgin's office, knocking before going inside.

"Come in," he called and I opened it up, walking inside, "Miss Lopez, good to see you."

"Mom wanted me to give you this," I whispered and handed him the letter.

"Thank you," he took it and opened it up to read, "you have medication?"

"Well yeah," I shrugged, "That is what the letter says."

"Alright," he sighed, "you can go to class now; I'll be keeping an eye on you," I rolled my eyes and left the office, swinging my backpack onto my shoulder and going over to my locker, taking my books out for Science class. As I slammed it shut, I felt someone scream and wrap their arms round my neck causing me to jump and swivel round.

"Quinn!" I yelled with excitement, hugging her back.

"Hey sweetie," she smiled, "what are you doing here eh?"

"Mom said it was about time I came back to school, aren't you meant to be in class?"

"Bathroom trip," she said crossing her arms, "how are you?" I shrugged my shoulders as she placed an arm round me and led me away to our science classroom, "you've been missed."

"Are you sure about that?" she nodded as we walked in. She took her seat next to Brittany whilst I went to talk to the teacher. He knew what had happened so there was no need to tell me off, he just told me to take a seat and follow what the others were doing. I went to sit down and received a hug from Brittany, "what are we doing?"

"Just watch us," Quinn said, "we're making salt."

"Here, put these on," Brittany handed me a pair of safety goggles to wear.

"I don't think we really need those for this experiment Britt," Quinn said as she continued doing what she was doing, "but good to be on the safe side anyway."

"Hey Lopez," I turned round as someone called me and saw Madison, one of the Cheerio's walking towards me, no one liked her, she was always competing for head cheerio and had been ever so mean to Brittany in the past, "good to see that you're back at last, after being locked up in a MENTAL hospital!"

"Shut up Madison!" Quinn threatened her, overhearing what she'd said, "just leave her alone, would you?"

"It's fine Quinn," I whispered, pretending to focus on the science experiment.

"What, can't she speak for herself?" Madison scoffed at Quinn, "well, that doesn't surprise me." I turned round, pursing my lips together and Quinn could see the anger building up inside.

"Santana, don't get provoked," she warned me but I wasn't listening. I took my goggles off and slammed them down on the table before storming towards her, wrapping an arm round her neck and punching her hard in the stomach, causing her to cry out in pain, "San!"

"San, stop!" Brittany cried causing me to look up. I noticed tears in her eyes and glanced from her to Madison, dropping the crying girl and walking over to my girlfriend, placing an arm round her and calming her down, "please stop."

"I have done," I soothed wiping her tears away with my thumb.

"Miss Lopez, if you cannot control your temper then I suggest you leave!" Mr Harden yelled at me from the front, "Stop it right now!"

"It wasn't Santana's fault sir," Quinn said, "It was Madison's."

"Both of you stop,"

"Yes sir," Madison whispered, clutching at her stomach pathetically whilst I just nodded faintly.

"Do you want a go?" Quinn asked me but I shook my head and just stormed out of the classroom, going towards the girl's bathroom but bumping into Miss Pillsbury on the way. I went to turn back but she grabbed my shoulder and smiled at me.

"Good to have you back Santana,"

"Is it?" I mumbled and hung my head, "I was just off home."

"Why? What's happened?"

"I just had a bit of a fight with Madison in science class," I admitted, "she started it; she started being really bitchy and horrible."

"Don't use the word bitchy, please,"

"Sorry," I muttered.

"So, how are you anyway?" she asked me nicely, "we've all missed you, it hasn't been the same."

"Alright," she shrugged, "I'm just on medication, that's all."

"Don't go home though yeah?" she asked, "you can come and sit in my office if you'd prefer."

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't really want to," she shrugged her shoulders.

"Principal Figgins told me to keep an eye on you and I don't really want you sitting by yourself so you either come to my office or go back to class," Quinn came out of the classroom at that point and rushed up, wrapping an arm round my shoulder, "well?"

"I'll stay with her Miss Pillsbury, "Quinn offered," I won't let her go anywhere, don't worry."

"Alright," she sighed, "I'm trusting you Quinn,"

"Don't worry," Quinn nodded and led me away towards the choir room, "come on honey, are you okay?"

"Fine," I whispered taking a seat on the piano stool and resting my head on the piano, "I hate Madison."

"So do I," she giggled, "don't let her get to you though, she's purposely trying to wind you up so you flip and then get into trouble."

"It's hard though,"

"Then Britt and I will help," she comforted rubbing my back, "just don't let yourself get into trouble, alright?"

"Yeah," I nodded and turned to smile at her, "thanks."


	16. The Best Day

16-The Best Day

"How was your first day back at school sweetie?" Mom asked me once I walked through the front door, "I've been waiting all day to hear from you; have you been okay?" I just shrugged my shoulders and threw my bag down in the corner of the kitchen, taking out a pack of cookies from the cupboard, "None of them for you; not right now."

"Why not?" I scowled as she snatched the packet away from me.

"Too much sugar will be bad for you sweetie; I just don't want anything to happen to you, you've just come out of hospital."

"Mom, sugar is not going to do anything to me," I told her slamming the cupboard shut.

"Have you taken your medication?" I nodded faintly and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, shoving it in my mom's face to show her that I was eating fruit and nothing sugary, "You don't need to be like that with me, I'm just looking out for my daughter."

"I'm going out; is that okay?"

"Well..." she obviously noticed the look I was giving her because she quickly changed her mind, "Be back by seven." I smiled weakly and left the house, shutting the door behind me and walking across to the park. I noticed the bridge where I'd attempted to kill myself and the thought of it just made me want to go back and try again. Instead I just went to sit on the hillside next to the train track to watch the trains go past, resting my chin on my knees.

"Gotcha," I jumped as someone wrapped their arms round my neck and took a seat on the grass next to me. It was just Quinn, "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Just sitting," I sighed, "Mom was annoying me; I kind of needed some space. You're the only one who's been treating me normally so far, I like that."

"Well, the last thing you need is people treating you differently. I know you said that I was the only one treating you normally but..." she looked up at the bridge, "Do you really think sitting here is a good idea?"

"It did bring back memories," Santana whispered, "Kind of made me want to try jumping again."

"I'm glad you didn't," Quinn reached out and held my hand, "What time do you have to be home by?"

"Seven," I told her.

"Fancy coming to Breadstix with me, my treat," Quinn smiled, standing up, "You could use a distraction," I hesitated but nodded and stood up with her, following her up the hill, "Just the two of us yeah?"

"I'd like that, thanks,"

"No problem."

As soon as we were sitting down at a table for two in Breadstix, I went completely silent, just stirring my straw round and round my drink. Quinn noticed and reached across to rub my arm.

"What's wrong?" she questioned, "You're all quiet and...You look sad."

"It's just weird," I shrugged my shoulders, "Being out in public, I...I'm just finding it hard."

"It'll take time; how's your mom apart from being really overprotective?" Quinn giggled, "She's only doing it because she loves you though, remember that eh?"

"She...She keeps making up all these routines for meals and bedtime and...And taking my medication and writing in my journal. She's setting set times for each thing so it doesn't over-stimulate me. She says it won't anyway, I'm just fed up."

"Have you told your mom?"

"No," I shook my head, "I...I can't, it's not a thing I want to talk to her about," tears formed in my eyes, "I...I can only talk to you; I feel horrible that I can't trust other people, I...I can't even be here. I...I'm sorry."

"Yeah you can; sit down," Quinn grabbed my arm as I went to stand up, "It's going to take a long time for you to get used to being out in public again but...just stay tonight yeah? I'm paying and I'm treating you so you don't need to worry about anything."

"You don't have to pay," I told her, sitting back down.

"Yes I do; you're my friend and I'm treating you for tonight."

"Do you know what you're doing for your birthday yet?" I asked and Quinn shook her head, "Have a party; with booze of course."

"That's not such a good idea for you," Quinn giggled, taking a sip of her drink.

"Quinn," Santana whined, "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that...that alcohol and drugs or any kind of caffeine can easily trigger schizophrenia and I really wouldn't want you to end up in hospital again," I rolled my eyes just as the food arrived, "sorry sweetie."

"Mom doesn't need to know,"

"No," Quinn laughed, "If something happens to you on my birthday; then I'm to blame, aren't I?" I didn't answer but just stabbed at the fries with my fork, "Don't get grumpy; I'm just looking out for you."

"Just like my mom," I mumbled with a deep sigh, picking up one of my fries and taking a small bite out of it, "Sorry," I quickly apologised; smiling weakly at Quinn, "Thanks for treating me; it's cheered me up a bit."

"Don't mention it," Quinn smiled back, "Anything for you."

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages but I've been between ideas. I am going to focus more on this story now though so be prepared for another update. **


	17. Alcohol

17-Alcohol

"Happy Birthday," I hugged Quinn as soon as I arrived at her house, "Am the first one here?" I asked, pulling away and noticing that we were the only two standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"Yeah; I thought you could help me set up for the party," Quinn went to the cupboard and brought out some bottles of alcohol as well as some glasses and a bottle of lemonade, "For you," she said holding up the bottle of lemonade. I sighed and glanced down at the floor, "I may let you have a small sip of alcohol but not too much, alright?"

"Sure," I whispered and nodded, "I'll be boring."

"Don't be like this," Quinn groaned and rubbed my arm, "I feel sorry for you; I really do."

"What do you want me to do?" Quinn didn't answer and handed me some glasses and a bowl of chips. I headed into the living room, placing them all down on the small, coffee table and flopping down on the couch. Quinn came in later with more things.

"Hey," she nudged my arm, "Cheer up; come on." The doorbell went, "I'll get it," Quinn went to answer it and saw Kurt standing there, "Hey Kurt, come on in."

"Am I early?"

"Yeah," Quinn glanced at her watch, "But San's here; she's in the living room," Kurt took off his coat and hung it up before going into the living room and giving me a hug.

"Hey petal," he smiled at me, taking a chip from the bowl and eating it. I sighed and propped my feet up onto the edge of the coffee table, sighing and folding my arms across my chest, "Fed up?" I nodded faintly as Kurt ate another chip from the bowl and sat down on the couch next to me.

"Petal?" I questioned, having no idea what his weird nickname meant.

"I don't know," he shrugged, playfully nudging my arm. Quinn soon came to join us in the living room until the others arrived. I wasn't in the mood to say big hellos to everyone and when Quinn was pouring the glasses of alcohol for everyone, it even angered me more.

"Hey," Quinn tapped me on the arm as I had my head rested on Kurt's shoulder, "Do you want a drink?" She asked and I noticed that she was holding a bottle of alcohol and not lemonade.

"Sure."

"Okay, but just one got it?" I nodded as she poured me one and handed it to me. I kept my word and only had one glass of wine, "No more, okay?" Quinn asked taking my empty glass away once I'd finished with it, "I'm not going to be the one to carry you home when you're drunk."

"Coffee?"

"Remember what happened last time?" Quinn pointed her finger at me. I did remember; I'd gotten all hyper and thought it was funny, "Besides, you can't have caffeine can you?"

"Why can't she?" Brittany asked, coming to sit on the floor and resting her head on my leg.

"You know why," Quinn whacked Brittany round the head playfully and left the living room. I leaned forwards and ruffled Brittany's blonde hair, making her giggle and blush at least ten different shades of red.

I still had fun, even though I was only allowed one glass of alcohol.


	18. My Heart Will Go On

**So sorry for the long wait, had lots of College work as well as other stories to write. **

18-My Heart Will Go On

I knew that I wasn't allowed out on my own, in the dark. Mom and Dad both thought that I was staying at Quinn's for the night when I really wasn't. Instead I was out, staring up at the bridge where I'd attempted to kill myself. I needed to try and at least stand on it without getting scared and completely freaked out so I slowly made my way over, jumping as a train zoomed past below. I rummaged in my pocket and brought out a cigarette, lighting it so I could have a smoke.

"San," I turned at the sound of my name and saw Brittany running towards me, "I thought you were at Quinn's, I went to your house and your mom said you were there. I was just on my way over, what are you doing here?"

"You talk way too much," I mumbled, "I just needed some air."

"You mean, you needed a cigarette," Brittany corrected me in that annoying tone.

"Relax, I didn't even go to Quinn's," I turned and leant back against the side of the bridge, "That was just a lie I told my parents so I could get out."

"You bad girl," Brittany giggled and hit my arm, "How are you doing?"

"Fine," I shrugged my shoulders, "Been better though."

"I understand," Brittany nodded and hugged me, coughing at the smell of the smoke, "Can you put that out?"

"Sorry," I apologised with a sigh and put the cigarette out on the edge of the bridge before chucking it over, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Like I said, I was on my way over to Quinn's but then I saw that you were here," Brittany smiled and walked over to the Latina, wrapping her arms round her neck and resting her head on her shoulder. Santana took a deep breath and hugged the blonde back tightly. Brittany didn't care that she smelt of cigarette smoke or that she looked a right mess, she was just glad that she was safe and okay, "I thought you said that you were going to stop smoking; you told Quinn to slap you if you smoke."

"Quinn isn't here though, is she?" I smirked, "God, I have a throbbing headache."

"Have you been taking your medication?" Brittany asked.

"Will you be angry if I say no?" Brittany nodded, "Then yes, I have."

"San," Brittany whined, "Do you want to end up in hospital again? That medication is supposed to be helping you." I shrugged my shoulders. The truth was, I hated the medication and I found that it got in the way of everything. I didn't want to end up in hospital again and I didn't want to upset Britt either, "You need to take it; it's important that you do."

"I know," I snapped, "I'm sorry Britt but it isn't easy for me you know?"

"Yeah, well it isn't easy for me either," Brittany snapped back, "I'm meant to be your girlfriend but with you like this; it's kind of hard."

"I can't actually help it; I'm sorry B but I...I don't know," I sighed, "I'm sorry; I'll try and take my meds."

"Come here baby," Quinn wrapped her arms round Santana's waist and lifted her up for a hug, "I love you; no matter what happens, I always have and I always will." Brittany stroked her hair as Santana rested her head in her chest, "And I'm here to help you; you may have Snakeskin but I don't care."

"Snakeskin, what the hell Britt?"

"That's the illness, right?"

"No, Schizophrenia," I corrected her, "You idiot," I joked and hugged her, "Aw, I do love you."

"They sound similar," Brittany whispered.

"Yeah but they are two completely different things and I think I'd rather have Schizophrenia than Snakeskin thank you very much."

"Sorry; I got confused,"

"It's fine," Santana placed an arm round her as they walked down the bridge.

"San, sorry for the awkwardness but can I ask you a question?" Brittany asked once they reached the bottom.

"Shoot,"

"What were you doing on the bridge after what happened that night? You weren't thinking of jumping again, were you?" Santana shook her head, "I hope not; I'd hate to lose you," Santana smiled and leaned in, planting a passionate kiss on her lips.

**I hope you enjoyed that chapter, please review. Once again; I'm sorry for the long wait. **


	19. Castle Walls

19-Castle Walls

"But I did do my homework," I said close to tears as I stood in front of Mr Schue's desk. Everyone else was sitting and getting on with the work but Mr Schue had called me up for a chat about my homework, "I did do it!"

"Then where is it?" Mr Schue asked, clearly annoyed and convinced that I was lying. I folded my arms and shrugged my shoulders, "Exactly; just tell me the truth Santana and things will be a lot easier, I'm just going to be angry at you if you lie."

"I am telling you the truth," I yelled. Quinn saw what was going on and came up, placing a hand on my shoulder but I just shoved her away, "Get off of me!"

"Santana, calm down and come and sit with Britt and I," Quinn whispered but I refused, "You can just redo your homework; it's no big deal."

"It is when he thinks I'm lying," I shouted, my whole body beginning to tremble and shake. I leant back against the desk and rubbed at my sore head, coughing. I was beginning to feel dizzy and lightheaded, feeling the whole room spinning around me. An image of that night flashed in my mind.

_"If you move any closer, I'm going to jump," I threatened him angrily, "right off this bridge!"_

_"Now don't do that kid," he smiled nicely putting his cell phone back, "I've called your mom."_

_"Not another step!" I winced and shut my eyes as a blood curling scream filled the air and the little girl's voice rang in my ears, "shut up!" I whispered to her, "Please shut up!" I slowly began to climb onto the bar on the side of the bridge when I heard a woman yell my name. I glanced up and saw Mom racing towards me, still in her pyjamas with her head a scruffy mess, "get away from me!"_

_"Santana, don't you dare!" she threatened. I could hear the train coming my way and I could see the policeman as well as my mother slowly edging towards me, "Santana!"_

"N...No," I choked out, clutching at my stomach, "N...No," I let out a scream; everything going black around me, "Get away!"

_"No!" I screamed and stepped away from the bridge as I watched the train go speeding away from me, "I missed it! I missed the stupid train!" Tears streamed down my face as I turned to see my mom standing there with the policeman, "first I...I...I ran away and then I go and miss my train, it doesn't make any sense."_

_"Santana, come on," Mom sobbed but I wouldn't listen to her. I spotted in the distance, a small figure walking towards me. Quinn, "I...I called her after the police called me," Mom cried, "I guessed that if you wouldn't listen to me, you'll listen to Quinn. I mean, she's been a good friend to you hasn't she?"_

_"San?" Quinn asked stepping towards me, "talk to me."_

"Quinn, get the nurse," a man's voice yelled and a flash of a blurred figure raced past me and out the classroom, "Santana, talk to me; now, talk to me." I couldn't. I tried to get my words out but nothing was coming to me. I fell to the floor and coughed, feeling like the inside of my stomach was being tied into a tight knot to stop me from breathing. It hurt, "Deep, slow breaths for me Santana," I felt myself falling as he lay me down on the floor, stroking at my hair.

"San," someone screamed as they raced over, falling to their knees at my side, "San; it's me, Britt, please say something."

"I got the nurse," It was Quinn's voice again.

"Josie, over here," Mr Schue called and someone else was soon at my side, "Class dismissed," he called over my coughing and screaming, "Everybody out." I could just make out everyone leaving but Quinn and Brittany vowed not to go anywhere.

"I feel sick," I gasped; finally managing to get some words out my mouth, "It hurts!"

_"Nothing makes sense," I cried to her, "nothing."_

_"It's ok," Quinn repeated, "because we can get you help, we can. That is all you need San and we can get it for you, I promise."_

_"I don't," I screamed shaking my head in tears, "I don't need any help!"_

_"Yes you do," Quinn sobbed, "I don't like the sound of it either San but you do, you've not been yourself and you're scaring me and you're scaring Britt as well. I...I had a grandma who was just like you San, she used to take me away from Mom and Dad and say that we were going to Disneyland. She used to drive round for hours and hours and sometimes we'd even end up at the other side of the country but that didn't matter in the end because we realised that she needed help and we got it for her."_

_"What...What happened?"_

_"She's dead now," Quinn whispered, "but before she died, she was still very sick. She could never be cured altogether but at least the doctor managed to do something to help her. They can help you if you'd let them."_

_"I...I can't,"_

_"If we get you help now, then I'll call my mom and tell her that I'm staying with you. I'm not going to let you go through it alone San, you just need to let us in and allow us to help you, please. You need it,"_

_"It...It's that girl, she keeps torturing me," I cried, "she keeps screaming and talking to me and...And she gets inside my head."_

_"I know, I know," Quinn soothed and patted my hand, "but no one else can see or hear this girl and if we get you help, then the doctor will be able to make that girl go away. You'll never see her again and she'll never bother you again, just let us help you; please San."_

I screamed as Josie got closer, titling my head back so I was looking up at the ceiling. Someone was holding my hand and whispering comforting words in my ear. I was still shaking and I could faintly hear someone counting to ten slowly. With a bit of help; I managed to sit up and someone held my head back, helping me take a small sip of water.

"Breathe slowly," Mr Schue soothed, rubbing at my back, "Slow."

"It's alright sweetie," Brittany comforted, kissing my cheek. Josie took the bottle of water back and handed it to Quinn as reality came back to me all of a sudden, "Sannie, you okay?"

"I...I don't know..." I managed my head feeling like it was going to explode, "Britt?"

"Hey, I'm here," Brittany smiled.

"I still feel sick," I groaned, coughing a little.

"You might do for a little bit," Josie said, feeling my forehead, "And you still feel quite warm as well."

"She hasn't had a panic attack in ages," Quinn said, "What happened?"

"They do happen," Josie told her, "She just needs to be careful and try not to get too worked up over things."

"Which I was telling her," Mr Schue said in an obvious tone, "Thanks Josie."

"Don't mention it; you can come and lie down in my office for a bit Santana," Josie offered helping me up from the floor, "You need some rest, I'll give your parents a call and let them know what happened okay?"

"They're going to be so angry,"

"They won't San," Quinn reassured me, "They'll be worried but not angry; now go and get some rest yeah?" I nodded and had Josie lead me out the room and to her office, "I feel so bad for her; I feel like we should do something."

"You've both done so much for her," Mr Schue smiled, "More than you realise; she's lucky to have you both as friends."

"I still think we should do something; meet me after school Britt and we'll talk about it okay?" Brittany nodded, "Great, see you then."


	20. Perfect

20-Perfect

"In here Santana," Mr Schue opened the door to his office and I slowly followed him inside nervously. I sat down at his desk and folded my arms as he sat down opposite, smiling politely at me, "How have you been?" he asked. I could just tell by the look on his face that he was going to ask me that.

"Fine," I shrugged my shoulders and stared at him blankly for a few seconds, "Why'd you ask?"

"Look, have your parents talked to you about seeing anyone just yet?" he questioned, "Like a councillor or therapist or just someone to talk to..." I shook my head, "They haven't? Well, I have been going out with someone for a couple of years now called Lisa and she's a councillor who specialises in things like this."

"You never mentioned this," I pointed out.

"Well, I never needed to," he chuckled, "I just thought that maybe talking to her might be a good idea; she's really nice."

"You have to say that," I snapped, "She's your girlfriend."

"I know but...I think you'd like her, she is really nice and she has a one year old daughter called Madeline so she's good with kids. Just think about it for me, alright?"

"When would I have to see her?" I whispered, still unsure on the idea.

"Whenever you want to really, I'll let her know and ask when she's free alright?" I nodded, "You can go now; I'll talk to you soon," I thanked him quietly before leaving his office to see Brittany standing outside, waiting for me.

"You didn't have to wait for me," I told Brittany and gave her a hug.

"I wanted to; what did Mr Schue want?" Brittany asked and hugged me back as we made our way out of school to go home.

"He was saying that his girlfriend is a councillor, she's called Lisa or something but he was asking how I'd feel if he set me up an appointment to see her."

"Wouldn't that be a little awkward?" Brittany giggled, "I mean, Mr Schue is your Spanish teacher and going to talk to his girlfriend about your problems seems a little...odd, don't you think?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "He said that she seemed nice and is good with kids and...It might work out, I don't know." I groaned as my mom's car pulled up outside the front of school, "There's my lift," I sighed, "Have a good weekend."

"Will your mom mind if you come round mine tonight?" Brittany asked as I headed down the stairs to go to the car.

"I don't know Britt," I whispered and looked over my shoulder, "Mom's been really funny lately; that's why she picks me up from school, she's scared that something will happen if I make my own way home."

"But you'll be at my house," I shrugged my shoulders, "Come on; you can stay over tonight and we can spend the whole of tomorrow together, it'll be fun."

"Let me go and ask her," I promised and ran down the steps to my mom's car, "Mom; Brittany's just asked if I can stay at hers tonight." I said through the window, Mom sighing, "She said about staying over tonight and then hanging out tomorrow."

"I don't know love," she sighed and shook her head.

"Please Mom; it's Saturday tomorrow and I'll be with Britt, it's not like I'm going to be on my own or with some random stranger."

"Alright," she nodded faintly; not looking at all pleased, "But please be careful and ring me tomorrow to let you know how you are," I nodded and kissed her cheek; running back up the steps to Brittany, "Have you got your pills?"

"Yes," I called over my shoulder, walking away, "God, she does my heading."

"She's just worried about you; besides, you told me that you weren't even taking your pills so what does that tell you?"

"Shut up," I playfully hit her shoulder, "I took them today."

"Good girl," Brittany kissed my cheek and stroked my hair, "So, what do you want to do tomorrow? We could go bowling or to the beach or..."

"Not anywhere crowded," I cut her off in mid sentence, "Please; I couldn't take another panic attack and...Crowds kind of do that to me sometimes," Brittany nodded; trying to think of somewhere not crowded.

"We could take a drive, out in the countryside." I wasn't listening. I was looking at the park cafe across the way, thoughts running through my mind, "San?" I told Brittany to stay where she was before racing across the road and into the cafe. There he was, in his usual seat, head in the paper.

"Johnny," he looked up at me with a confused look, "It's me, Santana."

"Santana, well, I haven't seen you in a while," he smiled as I walked over, "How are you doing kiddo?"

"I'm alright," I smiled, "Sorry about that night; I...I didn't mean to run off like that."

"It's fine," Johnny smiled back, "I'm glad that you came to say hello; sorry I didn't remember you."

"That's okay, lots of things have happened since I met you," I whispered as he rubbed at my hand, "I haven't really had the chance to come here."

"Talk to me," he offered and I could see Brittany standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

"I have Schizophrenia," I admitted, "I'm mental basically."

"You're perfect Santana," he soothed, "You're perfect no matter what's wrong with you and you always will be so don't forget that."

"That night I ran away, I kinda threatened to throw myself off a bridge and before then I'd just been seeing and hearing things. I was in hospital for a short while but I'm now and M...Mom's fussing over me quite a bit."

"She just loves you," Johnny whispered, "And I wish that my mom would have done the same for me; she never got the chance though, seeing as she died when I was only twelve."

"I'm so sorry," I apologised, not even knowing what I was sorry for.

"Don't be," Johnny turned to see Brittany standing there, "Is this your friend?" I nodded, "You best get going then; hope to talk to you later Santana," I thanked him and he handed me a chocolate biscuit before I left to go home with Brittany.

"Who was that?" Brittany asked.

"Just a friend," I told her, handing half of the chocolate biscuit to her before eating my half, "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you fancied going on a sort of road trip this weekend," she said as she ate, "Quinn as well maybe? We could have a girly weekend, just the three of us and go out for a drive in the country."

"I'd be down with that," I smiled, "Give Quinn a call tonight; just one thing though?"

"Shoot,"

"Don't mention it to my mom; I'm cool with the idea but I don't know if she will be."

"That's fine," Brittany giggled, "Come on; race you home."

"Oh you're on."

**Well there is Chapter twenty; I've decided to make this story longer than it was originally going to be, I have many ideas. Please review. **


	21. Unfaithful

21-Unfaithful

"Do you really think that this is a good idea?" Quinn asked as she sat in the driver's seat of her car. Brittany and I were in the middle of throwing cases and luggage into the trunk and back seat. The trunk slammed shut and I climbed into the passenger seat whilst Brittany got in the back, "I just...I don't know...I've never driven this far before."

"We'll be fine," I reassured her, "We have a map, don't we?"

"Alright, have we got everything?" Brittany and I nodded in unison. It was still dark outside seeing as we had all agreed to make an early start to the day, "Alright, let's get going," I shut the door on my side and Quinn started the engine, driving off.

"Hey San, hand me one of those juice boxes," Brittany told me. I got the bag that sat at my feet and pulled an orange juice box out, handing it over to the blonde, "Thanks; I always get thirsty on journeys."

"It hasn't even been five minutes yet Britt," Quinn giggled as she drove round a corner, "I've always wanted to live in the country; that's why I love driving through it so much."

"Don't you think it'll be a little boring?" I asked, laughing at how loud Brittany was slurping through the straw of the juice box, "And crap."

"I don't think so," Quinn shrugged, "Sure it's a long way from the mall but the scenery is lovely. You have such a bad mouth, don't use the word crap."

"I don't," Brittany shook her head.

"I don't either," Quinn added.

"Well I definitely do because I'm seventeen years old of age," I said in a drunken voice, getting odd looks from both Quinn and Brittany.

"San, did you get drunk before we left?" Quinn teased with a giggle but I just ignored her.

"Is anyone hungry? I'm starving and there's a bag of cookies in here somewhere," I picked the bag up and rummaged through it; soon finding my pills, "Shit!"

"You didn't take them this morning, did you?" Brittany asked and I shook my head, "Take them now," she said handing me the juice box. I thanked her and took out two of the pills, swallowing them with a sip of Brittany's juice before handing it back to her.

"Thanks Britt,"

"Don't mention it," she smiled and continued drinking it.

"You know you're practically kissing," Quinn said with a smile. I reached across and slapped her, "Hey don't do that or you'll make me have a bloody accident."

"Now, who's got the bad mouth," I muttered under my breath.

"Can we not have an argument?" Brittany whined from the back, "It doesn't make the trip fun." Quinn nodded whilst I just sat in the passenger seat eating cookies, "Wow, your car is like the only car on the road Quinn."

"Well, it is quite early," Quinn sighed, "Can you hand me the map Britt? We're getting into the country now and I don't know where we're going," Brittany nodded and passed the map over to me so I could read it whilst Quinn drove, "So, left at the end?" I nodded and continued reading. Quinn turned left and saw that it was coming to a dead end. Instead of the road continuing, there was just a white fence leading to a footpath that led through a field, "Let me see that map," Quinn stopped the car at the fence and snatched the map, glancing at it, "It does say left at the end."

"That's what I said," I told her.

"I'll try turning round," Quinn handed the map back to me and turned the car round, going back to where we were before, "We must have missed a turn somewhere." Quinn kept on driving but there was no other left turn, "What the hell happened?"

"We're just heading back into the city here," I told her, close to tears.

"I know," Quinn snapped and turned the car round again to go back to where we were. I decided not to say anything from there. Quinn drove to where we were before but this time turned right, "We're not getting anywhere with this; this isn't where we should be." I remained silent, tapping my fingers on the side of the car door and shaking, "Can you please stop that irritating tapping? It is doing my head in."

"I am not the one who got us lost," I growled through gritted teeth. Brittany groaned, burying her face in her hands and praying for us to stop arguing.

"I'm sorry; maybe you would like to drive next time."

"Guys stop," Brittany whined but we both ignored her; continuing to shout at each other.

"Right, pull over;" I ordered; still shaking and tapping harder, "Now, just pull over." Quinn ignored me and kept driving. Brittany suddenly groaned from the back seat and hung her head as I( just shut my eyes tightly.

"I feel sick," Brittany complained clutching at her stomach.

"Fine," Quinn pulled the break and stopped the car at the side of the road, turning off the engine. Luckily, there were no other cars around. Brittany scrambled out of the back of the car and ran to the nearest bush, throwing up into it. Quinn sighed and stepped out, going over to help her and rubbing at her back. I watched them and opened up the car door before getting it out and running off up the road as fast as I could, leaving the car door open. I didn't know where I was going to go but I just wanted to get away.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to be okay now Britt?" Quinn asked rubbing at Brittany's back comfortingly. Brittany nodded and stood up straight, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand. Quinn smiled and placed an arm round her, going back to the car. She noticed the passenger seat door open and Santana nowhere to be seen, "Oh god, no."<p>

"Where's San?"

"I don't bloody know!" she screamed, running her hands down her face, "She was here a minute ago, for fucks sake."

"Please don't swear," Brittany whispered, close to tears.

"Sorry; why can't that stupid girl ever do as she is told? Her mom is going to kill us if anything ever happens to her, she doesn't even know that she's gone on this stupid trip."

"Have we got any travel tablets?" Brittany stuttered; tears streaming down her face.

"Yeah, I think we have some in the trunk," Quinn sighed and opened up the trunk, climbing inside to search through the luggage, "I know that Santana is sick but she knows that we are out in the middle of nowhere and she decides to go and run off. We're meant to stick together here, ah, found some," Quinn handed a box of travel tablets to Brittany but soon found something else. Right at the bottom of one of the cases was the stuffed bear that Quinn had brought for Santana when she was in the hospital, "Oh my god," she whispered.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked as she swallowed the tablets.

"I...I can't believe she brought this with her," Quinn said close to tears as she held the bear, "I wasn't even sure if she still had it."

"Isn't that the bear you brought her?" Quinn nodded faintly and ran her fingers over the fur.

"Come on," Quinn whispered and climbed out of the trunk, the bear in her hand, "Take this, yeah? We're going to go and look for San."

**Okay I know I changed the POV but I needed a scene between Quinn and Brittany. I hope you liked it and we'll be back to Santana's POV in the next chapter.**


	22. Lost Without You

22-Lost Without You

I stood at the side of a river with my arms folded across my chest, staring blankly at the water that was rushing along noisily. I wondered if Quinn and Brittany had realised that I was missing yet, if they were actually bothered and if they were actually looking for me. It wouldn't surprise me if they weren't, Quinn seemed so angry at me back there. I kicked a random stone into the water and screamed, clenching my hands into fists. I screamed and turned to punch a random wall, screaming as I did so.

I hated my fucking life and everything about it; I hoped that Quinn or Brittany would never find me and that they'd just continue the road trip without me. I never wanted to go back to them ever again, never! I kicked the stone wall and pulled at my hair, screaming.

I jumped as I heard a car engine and turned round to see Quinn's red truck coming towards me. I thought it was anyway and I just froze, continuing to hit the wall over and over again, my knuckles now beginning to bleed. The car door opened and Quinn climbed out, running over to me. I screamed at her and went to run through the shallow river, Quinn following close behind and grabbing hold of my wrist, wrapping her arms round her waist to try and take me back to the car.

"Get off," I screamed at her, kicking at the water and flying a fist at her face, "Get off!"

"Britt, take her," Quinn said. Brittany nodded from the other side and left the bear in the car before coming over, trying to take my arm. I ended up throwing a punch and hitting her straight in the face, "Britt; are you okay?" Brittany faintly nodded, clutching her bleeding nose in pain and holding back her tears. Quinn held onto me tightly and dragged me across the river and towards the car, trying to get me into the passenger seat. She got me inside before slamming the door shut and using the remote locking so I couldn't get out, "Britt!" Quinn gasped and ran over to the blonde, clutching at her chest, "Are you okay?"

"My...My nose is bleeding..." Brittany sobbed.

"Hang on," Quinn pulled an inhaler from her pocket and took a breath so she wouldn't get an asthma attack, "Come on, get to the car." Brittany nodded and pulled her handkerchief out, holding it to her nose and getting into the back of the car. Quinn followed and brought a blanket out of the trunk. Getting into her seat, she handed it over to me to keep me warm but I just pushed her away, "Just take it," she said angrily so I snatched it from her, "Right; we need to get Britt to the hospital," she turned on the engine as well as the radio and backed out of the dead end.

We drove for a couple of minutes in silence until Quinn pulled over once again. By now, I'd snuggled under the blanket and was resting against the car door, staring out the window.

"I don't know where the nearest hospital is," she said jumping out and going to the trunk, "But I think I have a first aid kit in here somewhere," she pulled out a red box and went into the back of the car to mop Brittany up. It was beginning to get light now and Quinn soon managed to stop the bleeding.

"Thank you," Brittany thanked her, sniffling a little.

"Don't mention it," Quinn rubbed her shoulder and packed the first aid kit up, "There's a cafe up ahead, why don't we stop and get something to eat?"

I wasn't hungry. I sat at a table in the cafe with Brittany whilst Quinn ordered. She came over later with three glasses of apple juice and three bacon sandwiches. I stared at the plate and picked at my bloody knuckles, not wanting anything.

"San, eat something," Quinn forced but I just ignored her.

"Don't make her Quinn," Brittany whispered in that soft, innocent voice, "If she isn't hungry; then don't make her eat."

"We have a long journey up ahead and I don't want her complaining."

"I'm going to the bathroom," I made an excuse to leave and walked over to the bathroom, going into one of the cubicles and shutting the door behind me. I sat down on the closed toilet seat and cried silently to myself, reading the graffiti that covered the walls. It wasn't long before Brittany walked in.

"San," she said knocking on the door, "We're going now; come on." I heard the door open again and then Quinn's voice.

"San, are you okay?" Quinn asked.

"Fine," I called back, a total lie much.

"San, I...I'm sorry alright?" Quinn sighed, "I was just stressed that we'd gotten lost and when you ran off, I...I just panicked. I thought that we'd lose you, I saw that you brought the bear with you and that meant a lot to me San, it really did." Slowly, I unlocked the cubicle door and walked out, my arms folded, "Now, how about we get back on the road and just forget that this never happened eh?"

"Sure," I whispered and left the bathroom with Quinn and Brittany close behind. The cafe was beginning to get packed with people and I suddenly felt myself going lightheaded. I whimpered a little and stepped back, bumping into Quinn.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked in a worried tone, "San?"

"I...I feel sick,"

"Come on; let's get out of here," Quinn placed an arm round my shoulder and took me outside. I screamed and began to hit myself over and over. I saw Brittany's nervous look but I just carried on, "San, San, stop," Quinn calmed, grabbing hold of my wrists but I ended up hitting her in the process, "San," she took me over to the other side of the road and sat me down on a rock. I broke down into tears and began rocking back and forth.

"Is she okay?" Brittany whispered as Quinn headed over to the car to grab the blanket and the teddy bear.

"I don't know," Quinn shook her head, sounding serious, "I'll see to her," Brittany nodded and walked away, picking up a random rock and throwing it across at the water, watching it make a loud splash, "San," Quinn came back over and wrapped the blanket round my shoulders, placing the bear on the grass, "Hey, hey ssshh."

"Hmmm get away," I cried and shook my head as she rubbed at my arms, pulling the blanket round me tighter, "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb," I chanted over and over, continuing to rock. Quinn stood up and hurried back to the car, opening the door and pulling the bag out of the passenger seat, tipping it upside down so everything fell out. She soon found my pills and raced back over, handing me a couple.

"Take them," I shook my head, hands over my ears, still chanting. "Take them now!" she yelled. I glanced at her and stopped chanting and she managed a small nod; rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. Shakily, I held the tablets to my mouth and swallowed them whole, "That's it, well done. Come on sweetie," Quinn handed the bear over to me and I shivered a little, "Let's get back to the car, yeah?" I nodded at her and she helped me back to the car, sitting me in the passenger's seat and tucking the blanket up and under my chin. She shut the door and walked over to Brittany, "We're off now."

"Is she okay?" Brittany asked, throwing another rock.

"She's fine; I gave her some pills to calm her down."

"How do you deal with it Quinn?"

"My grandma was the same wasn't she?" Quinn sighed, "I know how to deal with this sort of stuff; I had to look after her most of my life."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's fine," Quinn shrugged, "Come on; let's get going."


	23. Talk

23-Talk

We stopped at a hotel for the night. Brittany was in the bathroom getting ready for bed and I could hear the water running as I lay in a big double bed, holding the bear to my chest, my hair hanging loosely in my face. Quinn placed a glass of water next to the bed and tied her hair up into a ponytail before sitting on the edge of the other bed, reaching across and rubbing my arm. I blinked a few times but didn't say anything to her.

"How are you feeling?" I just shrugged my shoulders; keeping up the silence, "Did you take your pills before bed?" I nodded at her, "Good; do you want a drink?"

"No thanks," I whispered quietly.

"What happened? You were fine when I apologised but...then what happened?"

"The cafe just got too crowded," I admitted to her, blinking back my tears, "I didn't like it."

"I know that it is hard San but you can't get upset every time a place gets too crowded; it isn't on." I sniffled and sat upright in bed, picking at my scabs, "Listen to me sweetie; I understand, my grandma was the same but you've just gotten out of hospital and you've been so strong since then. Why did you run off?"

"I don't like being lost," I told her, "I get all panicky."

"Yes but running off won't help that; you'll just feel worse and you almost broke Brittany's nose as well."

"I should have just stayed in the hospital," I sighed and hung my head.

"No," Quinn placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was looking at her, "The doctors thought that you were getting better and you are so don't go thinking that you should have stayed in hospital. I don't want you thinking that about yourself; I do, however want you to think about something."

"What's that?"

"Mr Schue's offer, Britt told me about it," I shook my head, "Lisa seems really nice and she can help you if you'd let her."

"What would she say?" I whined.

"She'd just talk to you; ask you how you're feeling, why do you feel like that, what's been going on lately and maybe ask you about your hobbies and friends and stuff as well." I nodded, still not sure on the idea, "Talking to someone could stop you from going into hospital again; it will make you get better."

"I...I don't know..." I stuttered, tears in my eyes.

"Honey," Quinn cupped my face in her hands and looked into my eyes, "You're sick, okay? You're not well and we just want you to get better." I nodded faintly, looking down at the floor, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," I whispered, "I need a smoke."

"No you don't; you told me that you were going to stop smoking and I want you to keep that promise."

"Can't I just go out for one?"

"San, I...I trust you okay?" Quinn sighed, "But I don't want you to be alone after what happened earlier; Britt and I turned our back for one minute and you just ran off, didn't you? I don't want that to happen again."

"But it won't happen again."

"I know," Quinn nodded, "But best to be on the safe side, yeah?"

"Whatever, I'm kind of tired now; I might go to sleep," Quinn smiled and kissed my forehead before tucking me into bed and walking away. I closed my eyes to find that I couldn't sleep but listened carefully to Quinn and Brittany as I spoke.

"I'm worried about her," Quinn was saying, "I just don't know what to do; I try to help and I mentioned Lisa to her."

"What did she say?" Brittany asked.

"That she'd think about it; but...she isn't well Britt and I don't want her to think about it, I want her to go and talk to Lisa."

"I know you do but she will when she's ready," Brittany whispered, "Just please don't force her Quinn; look at it through her eyes alright? She's scared and she's upset and you're not making this any easier on her."

"I'm trying to help her out here," Quinn argued back and I could feel her staring at me, "I just don't want her to...to die."

"Like your grandmother, right? She died of old age though, didn't she?"

"No, she died because she refused help and she ended up killing herself. I don't want Santana to do that."

"She won't; she's strong."

"But what if everything gets too much for her?"

"Then we'll be there to help her out."


	24. Show me Heaven

24- Show me Heaven

"Mom, I'm back," I called as I walked through the door of my house. The road trip hadn't been too bad but Mom still thought that I was staying the whole weekend with Brittany, "I'm back," I repeated and walked into the living room to see Mom on the couch. She looked terrible; her face was pale and her hair was a complete mess. She must know about the road trip, "Mom, are...are you okay?" she shook her head, tears in her eyes, "Mom, I'm sorry alright? It was..."

"Alma's dead," she sniffled and turned to look at me, "I'm so sorry Santana; I only found out last night and I was going to call you but I didn't want to ruin your weekend. I thought it'd be best if you heard it in person from me, I'm so sorry."

"A...Abuela," I managed. I never tended to call my grandma by the English name. She was Alma to my mom because that was her name but I called her Abuela which was basically grandmother, just in Spanish, "What'd she die of?"

"We don't know," Mom shrugged, "Come here sweetie; give me a hug," I shook my head and stepped back a couple of steps before fleeing the room and storming out of the house, "Santana! Santana!" I ignored her calls and pulled out a cigarette from my pocket, lighting it up for a smoke. I went to the footbridge, suddenly remembering the night where I'd threatened to jump and screamed at the top of my voice.

"I hate my life and everything about it!" I yelled, to no one in particular. I just felt like jumping and ending my life, right now, right here. The only thing that was keeping me alive right now was Brittany. I spun round and ran down the footbridge, making my way to the park, attempting to get the memories out of my head. Running towards a tree, I kicked it hard and screamed, running my hands down my face.

"Santana," I looked up and noticed Johnny walking towards me, "Santana; it's me."

"Johnny, what...what are you doing here?"

"Hey kiddo, what's going on?"

"My grandmother just died," I cried, "My mom just told me."

"Oh honey," Johnny placed an arm round my shoulder but I just screamed at him to go away and shoved him away, "How about we go back to my place, eh?" I just faintly nodded and allowed him to help me walk back to his place, "It isn't the end of the world is it? Were you close with her?" He asked once we entered his house.

"I...I looked up to her," I sniffled, "So much."

"I'll make you some Hot Chocolate; Maisy has taken Arthur out somewhere," I nodded and sat down on the couch. Johnny soon came back with the Hot Chocolate and handed it to me, before taking a seat in his armchair, "So; what happened then? From the beginning?" I sat there, sipping at the warm drink, refusing to answer any of his questions, "Santana," I remained silent; not wanting to say anything, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I don't need your help," I growled through gritted teeth, "I'm fine."

"Santana, you told me the other day that you had Schizophrenia and..."

"Yeah?" I cut him off rudely, "What's that got to do with anything? I'm on medication for that, I'm fine."

"I'm afraid that your grandmother's death might trigger it,"

"You know nothing about me," I snapped and dropped the mug on purpose so the entire contents went all over the carpet. Before he could say anything, I stormed out, slamming the door on the way. I couldn't go home, I didn't want to. Instead, I made my way to Brittany's house, needing the company. She answered straight away with Lord Tubbington in her arms.

"Hey San," she seemed surprised to see me, probably because we had spent the whole weekend together, "You okay? What's up?"

"Can I come in?" she nodded and allowed me to step inside; the whole house just smelling of cat fur. She put a growling Lord Tubbington down and turned to hug me, rubbing at my back, "Thanks, I needed that."

"What's up sweetie?" I just shrugged my shoulders and followed her upstairs to her bedroom, "You look a little down; turn that frown upside down," she smiled and tapped my nose as we entered her bedroom, "Come on, what's up?"

"Nothing, I...I just wanted to see you. I...I feel happy when I'm with you,"

"Aw, I feel happy when I'm with you too babe." Brittany smiled and kissed me, "Seriously though, why are you here?"

"I'm telling the truth Britt; I just wanted to see you," my cell phone began vibrating from my pocket. It was Mom so I answered it, "Hey Mom; yeah I'm fine...I'm with Britt...yes again...Mom, I'm okay. You can trust Brittany, can't you?" Brittany giggled once she heard me say that, "Yeah; I'll be home soon, see you later, bye," I hung up and shoved my cell back into my pocket.

"Do you have to get home?" Brittany asked and I faintly nodded, "I guess I'll see you soon then, yeah?"

"Yeah," I hung my head and sighed deeply.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Brittany patted my back and kissed my cheek, "The Glee Club's Christmas party is coming up; you'll enjoy that, I know I will." I nodded and rested my head on her shoulder, "Come on, my mom will give you a lift home."

"Thanks." I didn't want to tell her about my grandmother, I couldn't. I needed someone to show me what heaven looked like though; so I could soon go up there and join her.


	25. Get the Party Started

25- Get the Party Started

I saw Mr Schue walk into the choir room that afternoon ready for the Glee Club Christmas party. I was tempted to go in; I saw Rachel rush up to him with a plate of freshly baked Christmas cookies, then he spoke and everything went silent. Rachel soon left the choir room and I just walked away, going towards the girl's bathroom and taking out my pot of pills. Emptying them, I chucked the remaining pills into the toilet and flushed it, watching them float away and disappear for good. Chucking the empty pot into the trash, I left and went to sit in the library. I sat on a yellow bean bag and watched the snow fall from outside delicately.

_You shouldn't have done that._

A voice spoke but I just ignored it and drew a smiley face on the steamed up window with my finger. As soon as I did that though, a drop of rain fell onto it and rolled down the window, making it look as if the face was crying. The door opened and Rachel walked in, coming to sit next to me.

"What do you want Berry?" I sighed heavily.

"I was just in the bathroom," she whispered, "I saw you in there," I just shrugged my shoulders, "Why did you flush your pills away? You need those pills Santana, to help you get better." I just shut my eyes, flinching a little and shaking my head, "San, are you hearing voices?"

"Just leave me alone Berry,"

"Why aren't you at the party?"

"I don't want to go to the stupid party," I growled through gritted teeth, beginning to get annoyed. I smashed my head against the window and groaned, "Just go away!"

"Santana, are you hearing voices?" I shook my head at her, holding my knees to my chest and burying my face in them, "Listen to me Santana; I know it's hard but you need to stop distancing yourself from everyone, it isn't healthy and we'd all really like you to be there."

"You don't know how hard it is," I sobbed; beginning to break down into tears, "You've never had anything like this happen Rachel."

"I know," she whispered and nodded, "But you shouldn't flush your pills away; you need them." I didn't answer, "Come here," Rachel pulled a clean, scented tissue from her pocket and wiped at my eyes, "Come to the party; it'll be fun."

"What...What about the voices?" I managed through my tears.

"So, you were hearing voices?" I nodded and she sighed, biting at her lip nervously, "Ignore them; let's just keep that our little secret yeah? We don't need to tell anyone about them," I nodded and thanked her as she helped me stand up, "Come on then because I'm starving. If the voices get worst, please tell me."

"They won't," I shook my head, "I think I was just getting myself in a state and imagining things."

"You probably were," Rachel smiled as we walked into the choir room, "Look who I found guys."

"Well done Rachel," Finn hugged his girlfriend and then hugged me, just as Brittany raced up.

"I was worried about you," Brittany kissed my forehead and cupped my face in her hands, "Don't scare me like that again; we were just about to have a sing song anyway."

"Get the party started by Pink," Kurt beamed just as Mr Schue started up the music. Kurt started, knowing all the words off by heart, Rachel joining in on the second verse. As soon as the chorus started, Brittany couldn't resist and ran up to them all, joining in. I didn't know what to do but I stood awkwardly near the door, my arms folded across my chest, watching as they sang and danced with each other. Rachel seemed to notice and came over, taking my hand in hers and gesturing towards the others.

"I stink at dancing," I told her, "Forget it."

"No you don't, you do cheerleading and I have seen you dance before, it'll be fun," Rachel smiled and pulled me up to the front with everyone. Finn smiled and wrapped his arms round my neck, giving me a comforting hug. Kurt came over and did the same. I heard another voice in my head but I managed to just ignore it and hug Kurt back. As another voice came to my head though; I let out a small whimper.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kurt asked, stroking at my hair. I nodded and put on a fake smile for him, "Good; want some cake?"

"No thanks," I shook my head; really not feeling that hungry.

"The song is still going, you know?" Rachel piped up, coming over, "Come on; carry on," Kurt began dancing as he sung a verse. I just watched, laughing at him. Brittany soon came over and wrapped her arms round my waist, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Hey cutie," Brittany cooed and kissed my cheek lovingly, "You're looking beautiful as always."

"I actually look like crap today," I laughed at her, "I feel terrible."

"Nah, you could never look crap to me,"

"Thanks Britt; that means a lot."

"Please have some cake; for me," she gave me one of those cute, puppy dog looks, tilting her head on one side to look extra sweet and innocent, "You need something to eat."

"Sure," I nodded, "For you."


	26. This is Me

26- This is Me

"So, Will has told me lots about you Santana," Lisa told me as we walked through the doors of her office, "I'm glad that you decided about seeing me and I'd just like to say that I don't push anyone for answers. If I ask you a question which you don't want to answer, you don't have to," I nodded to show that I understood and sat down, "So, you've been diagnosed with Schizophrenia lately, is that correct?"

"Yeah," I whispered, "I was in hospital for a short while."

"I see," she smiled, "Well; I have talked to people with mental illnesses like that so I do understand what it is like for you."

"Horrible," I mumbled and she nodded whilst laughing, "Can...Can I ask you one thing?"

"You can ask me whatever you like,"

"The other day...my...my mom told me that my...my grandmother died," I managed, "I...I kinda ran off at that point but now I don't know what to do."

"Sometimes a death of a relative or a close friend can trigger your mood slightly," Lisa told me, "It is important that you don't bottle up your feelings too much and that you do talk to people when you have the chance, I'm glad that you told me that Santana."

"So, what has Mr Schue told you about me then?"

"Don't worry, they're nice things," Lisa smiled, "You're a wonderful singer apparently."

"Surprised he doesn't give me more solos in Glee Club then really," I said.

"You have a lovely personality Santana; I expect I'll be seeing more of you and at the wedding as well I'm sure."

"Wedding?" I asked, now giving her a confused look.

"Didn't he tell you? Will and I are getting married, in February."

"He didn't tell me that," I said in shock, my eyes widening, "He didn't tell any of us that."

"I bet he was just going to surprise you but talk to him at school tomorrow; ask him about the wedding and that will scare him. When do you finish for Christmas break?"

"Next week, we've already had a party in Glee Club though,"

"Sounds good," I nodded as we continued our counselling session for the next half an hour.

I found Mr Schue in his office the next day at school, shuffling a couple of papers. He seemed surprised to see me but gave me one of his welcoming smiles anyway. I decided to just do what Lisa had told me to do and mention the wedding randomly.

"So, are you nervous about getting married?" He looked up at me then, completely shocked, "Lisa told me when I went to have my session with her; why didn't you tell any of us?"

"Because I wanted it to be a nice surprise; the entire Glee Club is invited so I would have told you at some point," I nodded and leant against the back wall; watching him, "So how was it anyway? I told you she was nice, didn't she?"

"Yeah she is," I smiled, "It was good because I was able to talk to her about my problems and I was able to trust her and not worry about her telling people."

"Well, that's what she is there for," I was going to leave and head off to lunch to find Brittany but he soon called me back, "Are you any good with kids?" I shrugged my shoulders. I'd helped my mom look after her friend's baby once but I wasn't particularly good with them, "Lisa and I were going to go out for an engagement meal this Saturday night but we're having awful trouble finding someone to look after Madeline, usually we get Lisa's sister to do it but she's away on a trip this weekend."

"You're asking me to babysit Madeline?" I shifted uncomfortably on the spot, "Won't that be a little weird?"

"Why would it be? She's no trouble at all and we'll even pay you as well,"

"I could do with a bit of cash; I'm just not sure if it's such a good idea, what if...what if something bad happens?"

"Like what?" he asked and came over to stand in front of me, "What are you afraid of?"

"I wouldn't want to hurt her and I wouldn't want anything to happen to her; you've seen the way I acted before with...with that...that girl," he sighed and had me sit down in a chair before sitting opposite.

"Don't bring that up, alright?" he asked, "It just upsets you and besides, you're on medication, you've been into hospital. When was the last time you saw that girl, huh?"

"Quite a while ago," I mentioned and he nodded, "What if it happens again though?"

"If it happens again; I will have left my phone number on the kitchen table so you just give me a call and we'll come straight back home. Getting out for a bit and earning some responsibility will do you good."

"What time?"

"Say around seven, will that be okay?" I nodded at him, "Great; I guess I'll see you then."

He was right. Babysitting couldn't be so bad, could it?


	27. Angel in my Arms

27- Angel in my Arms

Mom dropped me off at Mr Schue's house at exactly seven o'clock. I went to get out the car but she stopped me and turned off the engine, sighing deeply and giving my shoulder a rub. I wasn't sure what was wrong with her, she seemed almost upset.

"Will you be okay?" I nodded faintly and promised her that I'll be fine, "You don't have to do this love."

"Mom, I need to get out at some point don't I? Mr Schue said that if anything happens, I can ring him and he'll come home."

"Hopefully nothing will," she kissed my head, "You've been taking your medication."

"Y...Yeah," I put on a fake smile, "I have."

"Good girl, have a good time," I nodded and kissed her back before climbing out the car. I knocked a couple of times on the door and Lisa answered with Madeline in her arms. Waving goodbye to Mom, I walked inside.

"Good evening," Lisa smiled and shut the door behind me, "Dead on time; that's good for a babysitter."

"Is this Madeline?" I asked, realising what a stupid question it was seeing as Lisa didn't have any other children. She nodded and kissed Madeline's cheek before going into the kitchen, "Where's Mr Schue?"

"He's just getting ready like I should be; are you able to take care of Madeline for me whilst I go and finish off?" I hesitated but nodded to show that I was able to take care of a baby, "alright, thank you," Lisa handed Madeline over to me and I bounced her gently in my arms as she smiled and giggled, "She likes you."

"I like her too; she's beautiful, looks a lot like you."

"You think so? Most people think she looks more like her dad," Lisa sniffled.

"Sorry I..."

"It's fine, she...she hasn't even met her dad, he walked out on me as soon as he found out that I was pregnant with her," I didn't speak; not knowing what to say, "Just play with her for a bit," Lisa perked up, "If she needs feeding then she has some baby food in the top cupboard of if she needs a diaper change then you can come and find one of us."

"Will do."

Lisa headed upstairs so I took Madeline into the living room and sat down on the couch with her on my lap. I wasn't really sure what to do but just bounced her a little. I soon realised how quiet she was being and when I looked down, she'd fallen asleep with her head leaning against my chest. I smiled at that, finding how cute she was and gave one of her feet a tickle. She didn't stir and carried on sleeping.

"You're a natural," Mr Schue said as he walked in; all dressed up and smart.

"Think so?"

"Yeah," he nodded and straightened up his tie, "Are you going to be okay then?" I looked down at Madeline, wondering what harm she could do and nodding, "Great; we shouldn't be home to late, about ten thirty maybe?" he left and called up the stairs to Lisa, "are you ready to go?" Lisa soon came downstairs and hurried into the living room; planting a kiss on Madeline's head, "My phone number is on the kitchen table if you need to ring me."

"Thanks, we'll be fine though," I smiled as the two of them left the house. I listened carefully as the car door slammed shut and they drove away. Looking down at Madeline, I saw that she was still asleep. I didn't move, not wanting to disturb her but she soon woke up and began crying, "Oh god," panicking, I did everything that Mr Schue and Lisa had mentioned to me. I checked her diaper but it seemed fine, I handed her a toy to play with but she refused so I decided to go and feed her, only to get the food thrown in my face, "What do I do?" I asked myself, running a hand down my face as Madeline sat in her highchair kicking and screaming, "Okay um..." I took a deep breath and slowly began to hum a silent song to her, soon changing to singing the actual words. Madeline just refused to listen and kept crying.

I took her out of her highchair and began bouncing her gently but she continued to cry. Maybe she was missing Lisa and Mr Schue? I wasn't even sure; I took her back into the living room and placed her down on the floor amongst her toys before sitting on the couch to watch her. Her face was bright red and her chubby hands were clenched into fists whilst tears escaped her eyes and screams escaped her mouth. I clutched at my chest and started breathing heavily, my vision becoming blurred.

I couldn't have another panic attack, not here.

I brought my knees up to my chest and ran my fingers through my hair, pulling at clumps of it and screaming loudly whilst rocking back and forth. The crying soon stopped and I looked up to see Madeline staring at me with wide eyes. I saw her crawl over and grabbing hold of the couch, she pulled herself up and crawled into my lap. I stopped screaming and my breathing steadied as I brought my knees down and rested a hand on her head. She giggled and pulled at my hair.

"No!" she laughed, saying the only word that she knew, "No, No!"

"You...You stopped crying," I sniffled and smiled a little, "Guess you just wanted a bit of attention, eh?"

Mr Schue and Lisa arrived back at around eleven o'clock, a bit later than they said but I didn't mind. Madeline was in bed and I was lying on the couch, flicking through the TV channels. Some horror film was on but I didn't think that it was a good idea to watch it after my panic attack.

"Hey, how did it go?" Mr Schue asked; walking into the room.

"Great," I smiled, "I played with her for a bit, fed her and put her to bed. She was an angel," I decided not to tell them about my minor panic attack, besides Madeline wouldn't be saying anything about it.

"Well done," Lisa looked in her purse and pulled out fifteen bucks. I was surprised at the amount but Mr Schue said that I deserved it, "Come on; I'll drop you home."

"Thanks,"

"You did well today; up for it another time maybe?"

"Yeah," I laughed, "Maybe."


	28. Just Like a Pill

28- Just Like a Pill

"Finally, it is the last day of school and then it'll be Christmas break," Brittany sighed a sigh of relief as we took a locker break. I smiled and leant back against the wall, hands behind my back, "So, how was babysitting then?"

"It was alright actually," I nodded, "Didn't go too bad."

"Good," Brittany shoved a book into her locker and slammed the door as we began walking to lunchtime practise for Glee. Mr Schue was already in there along with everyone else, we were the last two, "What's going on?" Brittany asked as we sat down.

"Mr Schue has something to tell us," Mercedes said, "And it's important apparently," I smiled, already knowing what he was going to say.

"In February so in two months time," he said slowly, "Lisa and I are going to be getting married," the whole room suddenly began to fill with whispers and giggles and Brittany even gave my shoulder an excited shake, "And you are all invited." Everyone cheered; I was the only one who didn't seem surprised but I pretended to act it.

"This is going to be so great," Brittany squealed once we'd left to head off to next class, "Do you think that he'll let us sing?"

"I honestly don't know Britt," I laughed, "Save me a seat in class, will you? I'm going to pop to the bathroom," Brittany nodded as I went to walk in the opposite direction to her. I sighed deeply and walked onto the bleachers to have a quick smoke. No one was around so now was the perfect time. I felt that I needed one after my slight panic attack but it didn't seem to help though. I sat there smoking and still thinking about all the terrible things in life. I'd thrown away my pills and whoever found out first was probably going to kill me. Putting out my cigarette and chucking it away, I went to find someone in the library.

Lance Goodwin was sitting at his usual table in the library, baseball cap on backwards, leather pants; concert t-shirt and a book on cars laid out in front of him. He chewed loudly on a piece of gum as I walked straight up to him.

"Lance," I cleared my throat and sat down, removing the book from his face, "I need a chat."

"Who are you?"

"Santana," I told him as if it was obvious, "Do you...you know? Still...Do you still..." I bit my lip, not sure what the correct way to phrase it was.

"Do I still what?" he snapped impatiently, "Hey, I know you. You're the crazy girl who got locked up in the cuckoo hut."

"Well done," I mumbled sarcastically, "Listen, do you still sell stuff?" He smirked and nodded his head, "How much?"

"Well, the first time is always the cheapest. Ten bucks a bag maybe? It gets higher from there, if you're interested I can meet you at the park after school." I smiled and nodded at him, "Great, I haven't had any customers in a while. Do you have the cash on you now?"

"I'll have a look," I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a wad of cash, fishing out ten bucks and handing it to him.

"Great," he smiled and took it, "I'll give you the stuff after school, four pm sharp."

I lied to Brittany and Quinn before heading towards the park to meet Lance. He was standing there, waiting for me, smoking a cigarette. I took a deep breath and walked towards him as he handed the stuff to me.

"Thanks," I whispered and took them.

"Enjoy," he winked at me before walking away. I glanced around and saw no one there so emptying a couple of pills into my hand; I took them straight away, putting the rest away in my pocket. It felt good, better than smoking even.

I walked over to the small park cafe and headed inside, seeing Johnny sitting at his usual table. He waved me over once he spotted me and got me to sit down.

"How have you been?" he asked and I nodded, feeling quite shy after what happened at his house last time, "Sorry about last time Santana," I shrugged my shoulders, "Are you okay? You seem a little out of it."

"I'm fine," I nodded at him, "I should be going though."

"You haven't been here long, get a drink,"

"Well, school has finished and Mom will be wondering where I am so..." he nodded to show that he understood and I stood up, smiling weakly at him, "I'll see you soon, yeah?" he smiled and gave my hand a shake watching me leave. I had to get home before Mom went totally mad at me.


	29. Merry Christmas Everyone

**Okay so Christmas will be here soon and I wanted to celebrate with a Christmas chapter, yay! **

29- Merry Christmas Everyone

I sat by the warm fire staring at a plate of cookies that sat on the table in front of me. Mom had baked them especially but I really didn't feel hungry. I looked towards the tree and saw the presents lying underneath. For some reason, I really did not feel in the mood for Christmas this year. Everything seemed so different.

"Santana," Mom walked into the living room whilst drying her hands on a towel, "It's about time you were getting to bed sweetie."

"Alright," I whispered and nodded at her with a small smile.

"You didn't touch the cookies,"

"I wasn't hungry," I shook my head, "I'm off to bed; see you tomorrow."

"We'll have the best Christmas ever tomorrow," Mom smiled and kissed my cheek before I went upstairs to my room. I was already in my pyjamas so I just climbed into bed and switched off my little lamp, closing my eyes to try and get some sleep.

I woke quite late the next morning to Mom coming into my room with a huge smile on her face. She turned on my lamp and shook me awake causing me to stir and rub at my eyes, groaning. I heard her whisper something but I couldn't quite make it out until I was fully awake.

"Merry Christmas," she said and I yawned, glancing at the clock. 11:00 am, "You slept in; there are a few surprises downstairs for you, come on," I slowly climbed out of bed and headed downstairs with Mom to see the presents still under the tree as well as Quinn and Brittany sitting on the couch. Brittany smiled and ran up to give me a kiss whilst Quinn just gave me a hug.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked them.

"Well, it is Christmas isn't it," Quinn giggled and handed me a wrapped parcel; "This ones from me; Brittany and I have already given each other ours."

"What did she get you?" I asked and sat down on the couch to unwrap Quinn's present, "Yours is under the tree; it's pink."

"I got her a stuffed cat," Brittany smiled and sat down next to me whilst Quinn picked up the presents that I'd gotten for them both. I opened the present from Quinn and saw a blue, leather bound journal with my name engraved on the front in gold swirly writing. A matching pen hung from the side and the pages were half lined and half blank.

"Thanks Quinn," I smiled at her, "It's lovely."

"Well, I thought you could write in it when you need to," Quinn handed Brittany the present from me whilst she unwrapped hers, "I got Brittany a box of her favourite chocolates." Quinn loved her present; I'd gotten her a book by one of her favourite authors.

"Open mine," Brittany said and handed me a parcel, "You'll love it."

"Open mine at the same time," I laughed, "We'll go together." We opened them at the exact same time. Brittany loved hers; it was one of those friendship necklaces that were split in half where someone had one half and someone else had the other. I let Brittany have the one that said 'best' and I took the one that said 'friend.' "They didn't have girlfriend ones," I joked. Brittany had gotten me a big book of all the photographs that she'd saved from our trips together and stuff. It was lovely, "Aw, thanks B," I smiled and hugged her.

"Aw, I need a girlfriend too," Quinn said causing us both to glance at her with confusion, "Sorry; I mean a boyfriend."

"You'll find someone," I promised her.

"Okay Sannie," Mom kissed my forehead, "There are some presents under the tree for you from me; I'm going to start on dinner." I nodded as Brittany snuggled up to me, showing off the friendship necklace. I did the same with mine.

"Mom brought me this really cool video game," Brittany suddenly said and rummaged in her bag for it, "Wanna play? It goes in the DVD player and then you just use these remotes, it's a racing one."

"Sure," I nodded and allowed her to put it in. She seemed to know how to work my DVD player but wasn't able to work her own. Quinn came and sat next to me to watch whilst Brittany handed me a remote, "Don't you want to play Quinn?"

"Yeah, there are four remotes in total so you can play," Brittany pointed out.

"No," Quinn shook her head, "I'll just watch; I'm useless at video games."

I chose the red car whilst Brittany chose green. I was winning for the first half of the race but when I saw how behind Brittany was, I decided to steer too much and crash into a wall causing her to zoom past me.

"You so did that on purpose," Quinn giggled; shaking her head at me.

"No I didn't," I lied; pleased to see the smile on Brittany's face when she saw that she was winning, "Ah, you beat me B," I sighed and patted her knee.

"Yay, I won!"

The sound of music soon started blaring out at full volume and All I want for Christmas is you began playing. Mom came into the living room with a plate of freshly baked cookies and this time I had one, for Brittany's sake.

"Hmm, dance with me," she got to her feet and grabbed hold of my hand, "Please," she grabbed some tinsel from the decoration box that sat on the couch and wrapped it round my neck, "I love this song."

"Come on San; do it for your girlfriend," Quinn teased. I shrugged and stood up with Brittany, allowing her to take my hand and spin me round, "You go girl."

"I can't dance like she can," I whined, turning to Quinn. Brittany ignored me and lifted me up causing me to squeal, "Britt; put me down."

"Not until you dance properly with me,"

"Okay I will, but put me down." Brittany nodded and did as she was told, tickling me, "Maybe Mom was right," I laughed giving her a kiss, "This could just be the best Christmas ever."


	30. Firework

30- Firework

"It's such a nice night out," I smiled and looked up at the dark sky, the stars sparkling and looking down on us. Brittany sat next to me on the bench, nodding in agreement and snuggling up close to keep warm, "I've always like New Years Eve; with everyone gathering round setting off fireworks," I sighed.

"You can still have that," Brittany told me and nudged my arm gently.

"No I can't," I pointed out to her, "I'll just freak out at how loud the fireworks are and end up having a panic attack, won't I?"

"Not nessecarily sweetie; have you had any recently?"

"Not really," I shrugged my shoulders, "Not any that I can remember anyway."

"There you go then," Brittany smiled and kissed my cheek, "I love you."

"Why?" I asked her, "Why love a...a crazy person when they're are tonnes of normal girls out there?"

"I loved you before all this happened and I'll carry on loving you; that's a promise."

"Are you sure about that?" Brittany nodded with a smile, "Thanks Britt; that really does mean a lot to me."

"You need to make me a promise now though,"

"Anything, what is it?"

"Dance with me at Mr Schue's wedding," I laughed and nodded; giving her a hug, "Good; I have to dance with my girlfriend at weddings."

"Yeah you do; do you think you'll ever get married?"

"Yeah, I have the whole future planned out,"

"Go on then," I smirked, "Surprise me."

"Well, I know that you are going to accidentally get drunk one night and end up getting pregnant," I couldn't help a laugh, "And you will keep the baby and we will have a beautiful baby girl and then I will propose to you and we will get married and have two more kids in the future, twin boys."

"You've really thought about that?"

"Yeah, and we'll get a dog as well as a house in New York and we will always be happy."

"So, these twin boys, are they really ours or do we adopt them?"

"Ours of course," Brittany said, "I don't know how but they are."

"You've thought about a lot,"

"I thought about it before we were together," Brittany admitted, "I hope it all comes true."

"I'm sure it will." I smiled at her, "I'll make sure to get really drunk and sleep with the first guy I set eyes on and then we will go from there."

"Quinn won't let you have alcohol though," Brittany sighed, "Because of your illness."

"She doesn't need to know."

Our moment was interrupted by a firework being set off and zooming up into the sky, making a loud bang at the top and bursting into lots of different colours.

"It's lovely," Brittany smiled.

"It is," I agreed with her, "Happy New Years Eve Britt," I smiled at my girlfriend. The countdown began from the crowd in the park and on the very last chime, the two of us kissed.


	31. White Wedding

31- White Wedding

I sighed deeply and emptied some pills into the palm of my hand before swallowing them whole. I'd had such a stressful couple of weeks, it was unbelievable and now I was standing in front of the church for Mr Schue's wedding.

"Hey sweetie, are you okay?" Brittany asked me. She was wearing a slim, red dress with flowers round the middle, the same as me and the rest of the glee club, "You look beautiful."

"Thanks, I...I'm fine," I lied, although I wasn't. I'd taken more pills than I usually did this morning and I was beginning to feel sick and dizzy.

"You're looking a little out of it,"

"I'm okay," I reassured her and she believed me and gave me a hug, "Thanks; let's go inside." Brittany nodded and I took her hand in mine, just as Quinn came up and tapped me on the shoulder.

"I need to talk to you at the reception, okay?" I nodded; suddenly feeling quitew scared, "Don't look so worried; I just need to talk to you about something."

"Sure," I whispered and turned back to Brittany; following her inside. Lisa was there waiting, in her wedding gown, Madeline in her arms, "Hey Lisa," I greeted with a smile, "You look lovely."

"Thank you Santana," she thanked and bounced Madeline up and down in her arms, "You remember Santana, don't you princess?"

"No," Madeline giggled and clapped her hands together. I didn't say anything but a hug from Brittany caused me to snap out of my trance.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, "You really don't seem yourself." I was still silent so Brittany just led me out.

The wedding went by smoothly. Madeline was carried down the aisle by Lisa, fast asleep. Most people cried but I just remained silent, sitting between Quinn and Brittany. I could feel Quinn watching me most of the time and it was making me feel uncomfortable. When it was over, everyone went outside for photos and champagne before going back in for the reception.

"Please dance with me," Brittany begged as I sat in my seat at the table, sipping at a glass of water, "You promised; you did."

"Hey," Quinn came over and knelt by my chair, "Outside; we need a chat, can I borrow her for a minute Britt?" Brittany looked dissappointed but nodded and allowed Quinn to take me outside.

"What's going on?" I asked her.

"Right, I am going to ask you something very serious and I would like you to be completely honest with me okay?" I nodded very faintly, "Do you remember that little problem I had quite a while back where...in my first year of High School?" I shook my head, "I took pills that were not legal, didn't I?"

"Yeah but you stopped," I pointed out, "Are you using again?"

"I'm not the problem here San," Quinn whispered, "Please, I have been through this. I know the symptoms, do not look me in the eye and tell me you are not using."

"I'm not using," I lied; looking straight into her eyes.

"Please don't lie to me; not today, please," she looked close to tears, "You're pale, your eyes are red, you seem completely zoned out." I was silent, "What have you taken?" I sighed and rummaged in my little bag, pulling out some pills and handing them to Quinn, "These could so easily kill you; what were you thinking?"

"Smoking," she gave me a confused look, "Smoking doesn't help anything go away. I needed something stronger."

"And drugs are the thing for that, are they? San, please, you can't take drugs. Does Brittany know about this?"

"No,"

"Well, what would happen if she did know, eh? It'd really upset her, wouldn't it?" I nodded and clutched my stomach, "I really cannot believe you."

A scream!

"San, talk to me would you?"

The eye!

"San, San, for goodness sake, say something!"

Her!

"It wasn't my fault!" I screamed and collapsed to my knees; clamping my hands over my ears, "Just shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"What's going on?" someone's voice asked as the doors slammed open as everyone rushed out to look, "Santana?"

"I...I don't know," Quinn stammered, "I don't know." Someone rushed to my side and straight away, I could tell that it was my girlfriend.

"Deep breaths sweetie; deep breaths," she glanced up at Quinn and her eyes widened, "Quinn; what's that?" Quinn didn't answer so Brittany looked back at me, "San, talk to me! What's wrong?"

"It...It's her!"

"What?" Brittany asked. "San!"

"The...The girl, I...I saw her again!"


	32. Cry me a River

32- Cry me a River

"Santana, get up for me," I wouldn't listen to Mr Schue. I remained crouched on the ground, hands over my ears, slowly rocking back and forth and screaming, "Santana, stand up. Where's your medication?" No one spoke, "Santana, where is it? Quinn, do you know what she's done with her medication."

"I...I do," Rachel stepped forward, arms folded, looking nervous and close to tears, "She...she threw them out...I saw her flush them down the toilet at school."

"Why the hell did you not tell anyone about this?" Quinn snapped at Rachel, "She...She could end up back in hospital!"

"Quinn, don't..." Brittany whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Get up," Mr Schue got me up from the ground and led me through the crowd and back into the church. Lisa handed Madeline over to her sister before following us both. I was still screaming by the time we arrived in the hall and he sat me down at one of the round tables, "Lisa, grab her a drink for me. San, San, look at me,"

"N...No," Lisa came back with the drink and he handed it to me, helping me take a small sip, "She's still there."

"No she isn't, it's just me and Lisa. You're imagining her, come on now," he soothed me and gave my shoulder a slight shake causing me to wake up a little, "You okay?" I faintly nodded, "Why the hell did you throw your medication away?"

"I...I don't need it," I sobbed out.

"Yes you do or this happens,"

"I...I ruined your wedding," I managed through my tears, "I'm so sorry; I...I didn't mean to."

"Why did you throw your medication away?" Mr Schue repeated placing the glass of water on the table, "You need that."

"It...It just calls crazy to me," I admitted, "It makes me feel mad; I...I just don't like it." Mr Schue sighed and turned towards Lisa for a bit of help, "I'm sorry that I ruined your wedding." Mr Schue gave my arm a rub and Lisa came to sit next to me, placing an arm round my shoulder and giving me a hug.

"I have had many patients like you," Lisa giggled and stroked my hair, "But they always manage to deal with it and so will you; you're only just getting used to your medication but you shouldn't have thrown it away."

"Rachel should have told us really as well," Mr Schue sighed.

"Can you send Brittany in?" I asked him, "Please."

"Sure," Mr Schue nodded and left. I sniffled a little and turned to face Lisa who gave me a reassuring smile.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," I managed, "How the hell do I get used to something like this?" Lisa didn't answer but gave my arms a comforting rub, holding me close to her. Mr Schue soon walked in with Brittany and I pulled away, holding my arms out to her, "B!"

"Hey sweetie," Brittany knelt on the floor and hugged me, "It's okay; I'm right here babe."

"I'm really sorry," I sobbed into her chest.

"Now, what are you sorry for?" Brittany whispered in my ear. When I didn't answer, she looked towards Mr Schue and Lisa, gesturing for them both to leave. They nodded and walked out, leaving us alone, "What's up?"

"Q...Quinn knows," I managed, "I'm so sorry Britt."

"You're not making any sense, what's the matter?"

"I...I'm using Britt; I...I've been taking drugs, I wasn't fine earlier when you asked me."

"Oh San," Brittany said sympathetically, looking close to tears. She pulled me in for another hug and held me tightly, "I'll help you babe; please don't worry, because I am here to help you. I'm going to help you get through this."


	33. Here Right Now

33- Here Right Now

I walked out of church and spotted Quinn sitting on the top step. She turned to look at me with a sigh before turning back round and chewing on her necklace. I took a seat next to her as she finally said something.

"Enjoying all the attention then?" she asked coldly.

"I didn't want attention; I didn't want them finding out about this, please understand that Quinn," Quinn didn't answer, "I told Brittany about the drugs."

"You idiot," she growled through gritted teeth and shook her head at me.

"She was okay with it," I told her, "She said that she'd help me."

"Why did you throw your medication away San? More importantly, why did Rachel know about this?" I wasn't sure how to answer that. It almost seemed that Rachel and I were friends, I didn't want her to get into trouble for not telling anyone about it.

"It just screams crazy at me," I admitted; holding back my tears bravely, "I...I hate it Quinn. I wish that I was still in hospital then I wouldn't have to deal with the real life around me. Every time I go somewhere, I worry, thinking that I'm going to have a panic attack or a seizure or even attempt to kill myself. The meds don't help me at all, I forget all about my illness but then when I take them, it all comes screaming back to me and I remember what happened. I still can't set foot in school without thinking about those first couple of weeks. I look at Mr Schue and I think about how much I scared and hurt him, I just feel so embarrassed and angry at everyone! I can't help it, I know it's who I am and I need to learn to accept that. I know that there is no cure and it hurts me inside to think that I will be stuck like this my whole life! I still have nightmares about the girl Quinn, I know that she is my imagination but sometimes I just wish that she would jump right out of my head and kill me, kill me now."

I stopped talking and Quinn just stared at me, tears in her eyes, her face completely pale. I could tell what she was thinking, she didn't know all that about me. I'd kept my feelings bottled up.

"My abuela died," I blurted out, "A couple of months ago."

"You...You didn't tell anyone,"

"I couldn't, could I? I felt that it was best to just chuck my meds and get on with life, the way it was before."

"Did she die before Christmas?" I faintly nodded, "Oh San; you should have told us, I know that you two were close and we could have helped you, don't you realise that we want to help you?"

"I don't need help," I whimpered shoving her away.

"But you do though," Quinn soothed, "You're sick and you need help; you know you do, you just don't want to admit it."

"Why couldn't have this happened to you?" I cried; my whispers turning to screams, "Anyone but me! I wish it was you Quinn!"

"San, please, you don't mean that. You...You're only saying that because you've kept your feelings bottled up for so long and you need to get them out, just stop before you hurt yourself. Please!"

"You're her, aren't you?" I stood up and clenched my hands into fists. Quinn stood up with me; looking shocked and alarmed at my accusation, "You're the girl; she isn't just my imagination, you're all just saying that to make me seem crazy!"

"San, please," Quinn sobbed, "Stop!"

"It is you!" I screamed, "I hate you and I never want to see you again!" I flipped out and grabbed hold of the girl's hair before chucking her down the stone steps of the church.

My life then flashed before my eyes!


	34. Two Worlds

34- Two Worlds

There was a loud scream as I just glanced down at the blonde girl sprawled out at the bottom of the steps. Red liquid was dripping from her head and looking down at my hands, I soon realised what I'd done. I couldn't talk. She screamed again and the doors of the church slammed open to reveal Mr Schue, Lisa and the whole of Glee Club standing there. They looked from her to me before Mr Schue went mad and bolted down to see if she was okay.

"Q...Quinn," Rachel stammered over her words; not quite sure what to do. I wasn't entirely sure myself, I could run and be seen as a coward or I could remain where I was and just look upon the accident that I caused. Mr Schue looked up at me and I could see the anger in his eyes. Brittany was also staring at me, shaking her head with tears in her eyes. The whole world was just against me.

"Mommy," Madeline screamed from Lisa's arms and Quinn screamed once more, clutching at her sore head.

"Get Santana inside," Mr Schue growled through gritted teeth to no one in particular, "Now!"

"Mr Schue, please," Brittany tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen.

"Brittany, she's dangerous! Don't you understand that? Lisa, take her," I could just see Lisa walking towards me; so quick as a flash, I spun on my heels and ran down the steps of the church, "Santana!" Mr Schue called after me but I ignored him and kept running, "Santana!" It was hard in heels and a dress but I was determined to get away. I had to get away, "Santana!"

I threw the door of my house open and screamed, chucking both of my heels at the wall.

"Santana," Mom came out of the living room with a scared look on her face, "Santana? Santana, what's wrong?"

"Just leave me alone," I yelled at her and rushed upstairs to my room. She ran after me but I slammed the door shut and pushed my desk up against it so she couldn't get it. Grabbing my bag, I rummaged inside for my drugs but I couldn't find any, "No!" I yelled grabbing an old pair of shorts, a jacket, a t-shirt and my sneakers. Slipping off my dress, I quickly changed and slung my backpack over my shoulder. I went to leave but I heard a bang on the glass pane of window. Dropping it, I walked over and opened it up, glancing down to see Brittany standing at the bottom. She threw another rock and I ducked so it wouldn't hit my head, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Chasing you," she called up; out of breath, "Please come down."

"No, I'm not going back to that hospital,"

"You don't have to; just please come down and talk to me, I ran all the way here for you and you're just going to shut me out."

"Mr Schue said that I was dangerous,"

"I don't care about him; just come down,"

"Fine," I went to get my bag and chucked it out of the window. I couldn't risk going out the front door and having my mom stop me. I tied the bed sheets together and flung them out the window, slowly making my way down them until I reached the bottom.

"You couldn't just be normal and take the front door like everyone else," Brittany joked and patted me on the back, "Let's take a walk," she sighed and picked up my bag for me but I wouldn't move, "Come on," she got the bag on her shoulder and took my hand in hers, leading me across to the park. Once we were in the park, she got me sat down on a bench and began rummaging through my bag, "You're planning to run away and you don't even think about bringing water with you," she giggled and shook her head, "Do you want me to go and get you something from the cafe?"

"No," I whispered, "I'm okay. I'm not going back there Brittany, I can't," I began panicking and running my hands down my face, my whole body beginning to shake.

"You don't have to," Brittany soothed me, "I promise that I am not going to let you go back there; I promise, you know that I keep my promises right? Can't we just talk about what happened? About why...why you pushed Quinn down the stairs?"

"I...I thought she...she was the girl," I stammered, "I was angry and I thought she was her; I thought that she...that she wanted to kill me."

"Quinn wouldn't do that, you know she wouldn't,"

"I just want to die; I shouldn't be alive if I'm like this towards people."

"Hey, do not say that," Brittany told me, "You are so worth living; you're lovely San."

"Other people don't think so,"

"Well they won't if you push people down the stairs; this is why you need your medication San, I'm sorry but it...its true isn't it?" I faintly nodded and held out my arms, wanting a hug from her, "Please don't cry; they're taking Quinn to the hospital, why don't you come with me and we can go and see how she is?"

"She'll hate me,"

"Come on, she'd love it if you visit and I'll be with you,"

"Alright," I nodded bravely, "I...I'll come."

**This story is nearing the end soon. Very sad, I will miss writing it but it's been a wonderful journey. **


	35. Out Here on my Own

35- Out Here on my Own

Brittany and I slowly followed a doctor down to one of the hospital rooms. Quinn was sitting on the bed talking with her mom, Rachel and Mr Schue. She gasped once she saw me and went all tense, shaking her head.

"Get her away from me," she growled as Brittany squeezed my arm protectively, "Just get her out."

"Santana, maybe you should leave," Mr Schue told me.

"She isn't going anywhere," Brittany said, "She has something to say." I nodded and slowly took a couple of steps forwards, my arms folded. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at Quinn and apologised, my voice a quiet whisper.

"Get away from my daughter," Judy silenced me.

"Why'd you do it?" Quinn managed, "Sorry isn't going to change that I...that I almost died and that I needed stitches in my head." I knew that she being overdramatic about the almost dying part but I didn't point it out to her, "I was only trying to help you and you treat me like complete shit!"

"It's partly my fault," Rachel sighed, "I should have told you all that Santana chucked her medication away."

"Don't blame yourself Rachel," Quinn told her, "It isn't your fault at all."

"It isn't Santana's either," Brittany defended and stepped in front of me, "You don't know what it is like to be diagnosed with a mental illness; it isn't easy for her and she is trying her best to get used to her medication. She can't help how she acts and you've not been help either, you've been treating her so differently lately."

"I've been nice to her," Quinn snapped back, "I've been helping and making sure that she's alright."

"She doesn't want that though," Brittany said, "She wants to be treated normally; the same as everyone else, and that's why she's been okay with me," she sighed, "Because I'm the only one who has been doing that."

"She isn't ready for the world yet," Mr Schue cut everyone off, "I'm sorry Santana but I think we need to talk about getting you admitted to hospital again."

"No," tears streamed down my face as I backed away, "Please don't," I turned to Brittany, "You promised; you promised that you wouldn't let me go back there."

"And I won't," Brittany soothed with her hands on my shoulders, "Sweetie," she pulled me in for a hug and allowed me to hide my face in her shirt whilst she stroked at my hair, "I am not letting you go back to that hospital, I told you that." Brittany looked up at Mr Schue as she rubbed at my back and faintly shook her head at him.

"She's dangerous Brittany," Quinn said, "I know it isn't her fault but she is!"

"I'm not going back to that hospital!" I screamed spinning to face Quinn, "I can't and I won't! I hated it there; it just screamed crazy at me!"

"Come outside," Brittany whispered to me and looked at everyone else, "I'll talk to her," she mouthed before taking me outside, "Sweetie; what was so bad about the hospital eh? Just tell me what you didn't like about it."

"I just felt mad and I hated being locked up; I felt so trapped and prisoned, I...I missed you."

"What would you say if that...well, if you were to go back into hospital, what would you say about me visiting you every day and asking if...if I could take you out every so often so you didn't feel so trapped, what would you say to that?"

"I'd like that," I nodded at her as she dabbed at my eyes with her handkerchief.

"So," she rubbed at my knee as she realised that I was beginning to shake, tears in my eyes. Giving me a reassuring smile and squeezing my hand, she continued, "Are we going to give it another go?" I broke down into tears and wrapped my arms round her tightly, allowing her to sooth me, "It's okay, I'm going to miss you as well but...I think you need more time in hospital before you face the world."

"You...You lied to me though," I sobbed, "You promised that I wouldn't have to go back."

"Sometimes people need to break their promises so they can help others," she kissed my hand, "I'm sorry but I really want to help you."

"You...You will promise to visit me though?" Brittany smiled and nodded at me, "I love you Britt."

"I love you too sweetie and you will get better, I know you will," she linked fingers with me and kissed my cheek, "I believe in you Santana."


	36. No Way Out

36- No Way Out

There are certain times when you feel like your whole world is just crumbling around you, into tiny little pieces like breadcrumbs. Then you just want to pick up these breadcrumbs and throw them away, forget all about them.

_Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone__  
><em>_But there's nothing I can say__  
><em>_to change the things I've done_

When you think that life is just getting better, it gets worse. Suddenly, everything around you falls apart and you know that you just can't live life to the full anymore. You hate everyone and you become angry at the whole world. I know what that's like, trust me. I learnt my lesson, not listening to anyone when they were only trying to help me.

_Of all the things I've hid from you I cannot hide the shame__  
><em>_And I pray someone something will come to take away the pain_

I just wanted to be free and I know now that it isn't going to happen. I'm trapped inside these four walls and there is no way out. My head is pounding with all these different thoughts and I just keep praying for her to visit. She still hasn't come though, I miss her dearly.

_There's no way out of this dark place__  
><em>_No hope, no future_

The doctor walks in with a tray of food and places it by my bed but I don't move, I don't want to eat, I can't eat, I just can't. He nods at me and smiles but I ignore him, rolling onto my side, flashbacks flashing in my mind. I see her again, the girl and I shut my eyes tight to try and get her to go away. She won't though. He tries to calm me down and comfort me but I don't want him, I don't even know him.

_I know I can't be free__  
><em>_But I can't see another way__  
><em>_And I can't face another day  
><em>

I really want to go home, to just get out of here and go home, back to my old friends. I'm not crazy, I know I'm not but people seem to think that I belong here. I'm scared, upset and...Crazy? Maybe I am crazy, I see things that other people don't see and I hear things that other people don't hear. Who am I kidding? Of course I'm crazy!

_Tell me where did i go wrong__  
><em>_Everyone I love, they're all gone__  
><em>_I'd do everything so differently_

The door opens and a familiar face walks in. I smile across at her and she runs up to give me a tight hug. I hug back and she strokes my hair, whispering in my ear and promising me that it'll all be okay. She broke her last promise but I know that it was just to help me.

_But I can't turn back the time__  
><em>_Theres no shelter from the storm inside of me__  
><em>_ooohhh oh oh oh_

She sits on the edge of my bed and reaches across to squeeze my hand tightly. I smile and squeeze back, loving the feeling of her warm skin against mine. She leans in and kisses me, rubbing her nose against mine. She was keeping this promise; she really was going to visit me every day.

_There's no way out of this dark place__  
><em>_No hope, no future  
><em>

I see the girl again, standing in front of me with her eye bigger than ever. I feel Brittany squeeze my hand again though and the girl suddenly whispers "goodbye forever" before drifting away into thin air. She's gone now.

_I know It's hard but found somehow  
>To look into your heart and to forgive me now<br>You've given me the strength to see just where my journey ends  
>You've given me the strength to carry on<em>

Schizophrenia is a terrible thing and anyone who has it needs help. If you know anyone with the illness or if you think that you may have it yourself then talk to someone, talk to a family member, a teacher, a councillor or even a special friend.

Schizophrenia a horrible illness but I'm afraid to say that there is no way out of it.

_I see the path from this dark place_  
><em>I see my future<em>  
><em>And your forgiveness has set me free<em>  
><em>Oh, and I can see another way<em>  
><em>I can face another day<em>

**THE END!**

**I hope you enjoyed the story and will review even though it's finished. Thanks for liking it. **


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